Craziness xD

Yesterday sucked.

I can't even start to explain how much it sucked. But I suppose I can say what happened. I had to go to the hospital for something I thought I had dealt with, but apparently not. So now I feel like I have to start all over with this stupid problem and get over it, again. I was so fucked up when I got home because of the meds they had me on, and the only thing I'm glad about is that they didn't keep me there. (Like they usually do.) And now I'm awake, early again, which is weird but I'm not surprised this time. I feel like shit, so to anyone who reads this, you'll know why I won't be very responsive today.

Anyway, my list is going to be the same one from yesterday, except with a few minor changes.

1. Stay awake!
2. Read a book.
3. Work on my novel.
4. Don't think about it.
5. Laundry.
6. Talk to my friends.
7. Keep myself busy. (I might need assistance though.)
8. Really, really, try not to sleep during the day.
9. Figure out what's going on with my Uncle.
10. Fill out *more*  information forms for characters.
11. Try not to dwell on negative thoughts. "/ (Especially today.)
12. Go out if I have the chance to. Maybe.
13. Have a productive day.

Yeah, I was lazy. No, I don't care if this wasn't very creative. "/

Anyway, I'll probably go start writing since I need a distraction. Oh, and write back to some people and explain what happened. Yup, that's about it for now. Sorry for the short post.

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*Do you prefer a novel with more dialogue than description, vise-versa, or equal amounts of both?*

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Alright, well I'm off to get my day started. I hope you all have a nice day!

Laters.

I'm not sure where to begin. My last post was in December, and now it's almost the end of January and so much has happened.

My friend moved away, and that sucks because I haven't been able to keep in touch with her really. Whenever we talk it's just an exchange of a few sentences and that's it. I don't blame her, I know she just moved to a new place and needs to get settled and all that. I just miss my friend is all.

My birthday passed. It was on the 20th of January, and now I'm twenty years old. My parents took me out to dinner and a movie with my boyfriend and we had some fun. We saw Book of Eli which was pretty good. I liked the concept of the movie, the only thing I disliked was the very ending. But overall it was a good movie and I would recommend it to any of you out there.

I don't feel any different now that I'm twenty. The only thing that really made me aware of it was that I had to celebrate it. Otherwise it would have been just another day. I don't get excited anymore when it comes to my birthday, I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I'm getting older?

In January I was in the hospital. I had to be taken in because my depression and anxiety was acting up again. That and I've been having nightmares, which is completely new and terrifying. Mostly because when I wake up I'm still in a state of shock and my anxiety skyrockets. I hate it. I did get out of the hospital in better shape than when I went in, so that's good. I saw my primary care physician and he's running some tests. And I've also been going back to therapy which gets me out of the house. And my doctor wants to talk to my therapist which I thought was a bit weird, but whatever. I'm also going to see a psychiatrist so I can get the medication that I need to take and fix my doses that I'm taking now. That's not until February 19th, though. Then there's the "social worker" that I need to talk to about services that they can provide. So there's a lot going on right now.

My cousin is coming to my house to sleep over on the first of February. I'm happy that I'm going to have someone to keep me company, because I've been feeling really lonely lately. We should have fun, so I'm looking forward to it. And she's staying a week so I'm happy about that as well.

AS FOR MY WRITING, I have been working on my story since I got back home. I've completed a few more chapters while also doing plot outlines and character profiles. So I have been making progress on that. I've also been reading a lot of books and playing The Sims 3, (which for some reason I'm addicted to- I just love all the customization.)

I will be posting here everyday now that I'm back into a good routine. Even if no one reads, then I'll do it for myself. After all, I need to keep myself happy too. :)

On another note, I'm really looking for some friends, (because my lack of socialization is ridiculous.) So if you'd like to talk, about anything at all, please send me an email! I always love to meet new people.

Hail and Farewell~

I can't remember the name of the song that's in my title. Or the artist. This song has been stuck in my head all night. I just finished watching The Mighty Boosh on Adult Swim. It's a show that I haven't seen before and it was pretty weird but funny at the same time. That and the main character is cute. :)

I was getting angry earlier because the internet on my cell was deciding to be slow and not work with me. But now it's working so I'm happy. That's the only thing I'm happy about though. I don't remember when or how but I messed up my sleeping schedule and now I'm nocturnal. The good thing I guess is that I've been sleeping. The bad thing is that I keep sleeping all day, which is not good. I need to fix it. I think I fixed my sleeping pattern last time this happened by forcing myself to stay up when I got sleepy during the day and then falling asleep at night. But doing that is hard because it involves me staying up twenty-four hours and I'm already tired now. Eh, enough complaining.

For the last few days I've been thinking about going to the hospital. For two reasons. I've been feeling anxious and depressed and I'm not taking anything for it other than my Xanax which doesn't seem to help as much anymore. So I need my medication to be regulated again. Then there's the issue of me not having insurance and from what I was told I need to go to the hospital and ask for free care. I'm not sure what I'm going to do but if I don't blog for a while you'll know where I am and why. I won't think about it now, I don't want to cause myself unecessary stress.

I have to stay up another two hours so I can take my pill. Then I'm going to try and stay up but I don't think that is going to happen today, I'm so tired I could pass out.

I'm so tired. Well, I'm going to stop typing now and go do something to keep myself busy.

I'll try to post later if I can. Thanks for reading.

One change.

I'm not feeling as horrible as yesterday. Good, I guess. Maybe I won't end up in the hospital, maybe.

Oh, and Timothy and I had a long talk. He's going to join the Air Force. To secure our future. There are of course pro's and con's, but the pro's outweigh the bad. With the way that Timothy's job is now, he's not going to get anywhere. He has no benefits there. So I'm helping him find all the information he needs. Since he didn't gradute High School, he'll be taking classes so that he can get his diploma. In the meantime he can pay $65 and take the test to get his G.E.D., which he can also use to register for the Air Force, although the High School Diploma is better for him to have. So I want him to get the diploma, since it increases his chances of being recruited.

The thing I am going to hate is that we will be separated for a long time while he does the eight and a half weeks of basic training and then goes to technical school to train for his career. But this is something that Timothy has told me that he wanted to do for a long time, so I will support him. I think that joining will make him more mature, and we'll also be able to move out of my mother's house and be independent. He'll also get the sign on bonus of $10,000, which we can use to make our credit better among other things. I think that this is something that he needs to do, and we will both benefit from it in the long run.

We've talked about it and this is a decision that we have thought about and considered. So I am going to help him make this happen. I think it will take a year before he can sign up, because we have to prepare and get his education complete, not to mention getting him into shape so that he can meet the minimum requirements when he goes there.

That's all I am going to talk about for now. I still have some information that I need to find.