Craziness xD

Hey all, I'm sorry I haven't posted for a week, but I'm back!

It's been a weird week, I guess. Or well, not that eventful. I don't even really remember what I did, other than going to appointments and my therapist. The only highlight of my week was on Saturday when I slept over my cousin's house. She is very awesome and it had been such a long time since I last saw her. I'm so glad we finally got to hang out.

We watched Scott Pilgrim VS The World and that movie was awesome. All I have to say is that everyone should go watch that movie right NOW. Anyway, after the movie we went to Best Buy so we could bring my cousin's laptop to get fixed. And then I watched my cousin dance to Poker Face by Lady Gaga on Xbox Kinect. That was fun too. I didn't dance though since there were people watching and that makes me anxious. >.>;;

Then we went to Old Country Buffet and there were slushies, which I love. Her dad brought us there to eat and it was pretty cool. When we got home I helped her with History stuff and then we went to bed. I woke up around four in the morning for some reason.

Now let's skip to today. I woke up at six in the morning and I was supposed to see my peer counselor, but she bailed. So now I don't have an appointment today, which makes me both happy and a little frustrated. I was a little mad that she cancelled because the agency that I deal with flips out when I don't have appointments, but how is it my fault that I don't have one if they cancel on me? Whatever.

*VENTING STARTS HERE, SO SKIP IF YOU WANT.*

Oh yeah, and I'm supposed to be going to this place called Career Works, which I'm familiar with because of my mom. If I knew that I was going to have to go there I would have signed up for it weeks ago instead of waiting for this idiot to "let me know" how things play out. I hate waiting. I just want to go back to school and start a job. I want to save up money so I can move out with Tim. I WANT TO START MY LIFE. And I feel like I'm being held back.

Since I'm already ranting, I might as well go on and let it all out.

I am feeling really insecure about my weight, and about my appearance in general. I feel like I'm just putting on more weight and I hate it. (I am putting on more weight, I check that shit.) And when it comes to eating I feel even worse. Sometimes I just eat without even thinking about it, and then I get pissed at myself for not realizing it. I want to lose weight so bad, but I'm the one holding myself back. And I don't even do it intentionally. This is why I started a gym membership, but that shit doesn't work half the time because A.) Tim doesn't "feel" like going. B.) I don't want to go by myself because my anxiety will surface, and C.) I have no one else to fucking go with.

I just want to stop eating in general and go to the gym everyday. Seriously.

Yes, I know that's not good for me. Do I care? No. So don't give me a lecture that I'm not going to listen to. Do us both a favor and don't waste my time.

Next, I hate not having money. Everything I get is either spent on bills, food, or random expenses that magically pop up. (Example: Tim's car.) And because of this I feel like I can't go out with friends, or in general. I don't go to the movies or anything, and I hate going to the mall with friends, not because I don't like spending time with friends, but because I can't buy anything. I hate going to a store and not being able to get anything. I find it pointless. And it doesn't help when other people have money and they buy shit and then I'm just standing there like, oh hai I'm broke. The only reason it's a good thing is because I get to hang with friends. But I would much rather just chill at some one's house.

Now, this one will be the last one I bring up, since I don't think I can handle thinking about anything else.

I keep thinking about that past. Now, most people don't know shit about my past, or anything that has happened to me. But I have nightmares, and they keep happening, every night. Tim is the only person who knows everything, and I don't want to bother him. I've just been getting anxiety attacks much easier, and some of them happen out of the blue. My depression has gotten worse too, sometimes I feel as bad as I used to when I was at my worst. And I don't want to go back to that. I don't want to end up in another hospital that isn't going to help me. I don't want to make my parents worry about me and think that they did something wrong. Because they didn't. And I try to tell them but they don't understand that the problem isn't them, it's me. I just want to be normal.

But that's not possible. Not after all that shit that's happened. Nothings been normal since age 12. And thanks to that asshole I'll never be the same. I'll always have those scars, and they'll never fade away. Every time I think about it, those scars open up again, as if it was just yesterday that I was going through all that pain and fear. And then I re-live everything again.

Whatever, I'm done being all "depressing" and shit. I know no one likes to actually hear about real shit that happens to people, they just want fake smiles and for everything to be okay, but it's not. The reality is that it's not okay, and I'm not going to pretend that I'm okay just to make your ass feel better.

*VENTING ENDS HERE*

Now the QotD:

*What do you do when you're feeling down?*

Leave answers in the comment section b e l o w 


OR if you feel like contacting me directly, about this post, my novel, or just for random feedback- please fill out the form to the right. All suggestions/comments are welcome.

Laters.
 

Hello all!

The last few days have been pretty good. I went to my cousin's party, and it was pretty great. I even got my mother and two aunts to get on the dance floor. It was... interesting. Watching them try to dance to anything other than Salsa or Merengue is very awkward. I had a lot of fun though, and I got my Shirley Temple that I was craving since Emily's party, so I was satisfied with how the night turned out. I was just a bit sad that Tim couldn't go because of work. (But I'm quite sure he didn't want to go anyway, haha.)

On Monday I saw Scott, my career specialist. Or, well, the person who is going to help me get back into school and find a part time job. I'm really psyched about getting this whole thing started. I really want a job, and I want to go back to school and take something involving computers. And Scott can help me find financial aid and other things that will help me go for free. During our first meeting all we did was paperwork, though. It was some type of assessment that he would use for "future reference" or something like that. I'm going to meet him weekly, so hopefully I'll be able to figure things out.

Then it was uneventful until around midnight. As some people (gamers) would know, Black Ops had a midnight release, and Tim wanted to go wait in line for it, so I went with him. It was very cold (and raining) and I was only wearing a t-shirt, so I was obviously freezing my ass off. And we had to wait for an hour and a half, so as you can imagine, I was only moments away from getting frost bite. <- Exaggerating.

The most interesting event of that night was that towards the end of it, which was when a girl was crossing the parking lot, and a car almost hit her- but she ran quickly across, only to slip and hit her head on the bumper of another car. The whole line saw it, and the first thing I heard when it happened was a collective pronunciation of the letter O. All I know is she was knocked the fuck out. And she probably suffered from a concussion. I'm sure she's alright, though.

Now I'm just going to skip Tuesday (since it wasn't that noteworthy) and move on to today. I woke up around ten, and went to see my peer counselor at eleven in the morning. We drove around for a bit, talking and getting lost in Brockton. When I came back I woke up Tim and we went to the gym for an hour and a half. I was exhausted by the time we got home, and I think he was too because we took a nap until it was time for him to go to work. Then it was time for Black Ops, which I recommend to everyone. I love it because Tim and I can both go online from the same PS3 and play split screen against other online people.

Anyway, now I'm just sitting in bed with my laptop in my face writing this blog and texting at the same time. I'm waiting for Tim to get home from work so we can watch a movie or play Black Ops together. :3

While it's on my mind, I'm going to do some advertising. Go check out this blog and this blog. They are awesome! (They are also new and need some followers, so please help them out?) :D

And now it's time for the QotD, which is:

*If you could travel to any part of the world, where would you travel, and why?*

Leave answers in the comment section b e l o w XD


OR if you feel like contacting me directly, about this post, my novel, or just for random feedback- please fill out the form to the right. All suggestions/comments are welcome.

Alright, that's it for today. Hopefully I won't stay up all night playing video games. (Who am I kidding, we all know I'm going to stay up!) Well, until next time, take care. And thanks for stopping by!
 
Laters.
 

Hello all! I'm in a great mood today. :D

I saw my peer counselor this morning, which was pretty interesting. I hardly ever talk when I'm with her but today I wouldn't shut up. She even called me hyper. I'm a little sad that Tim didn't want to go to the gym today, and I would have gone by myself but I couldn't find a ride for the life of me. So I made him promise that we would go tomorrow. And I expect to make up for missing today's session. It's kind of a good thing that we didn't go today though, since I kind of injured my foot yesterday. But even with my foot hurting, I still wanted to go. Oh well.

Anyway, right now I'm just waiting to be picked up by Jenna, and then we're going to pick up Ashley at her house and then we're headed off to the mall. It sucks that I don't have much money to spend, (I literally have about ten dollars to my name), but it's still awesome to get out of the house and spend some time with my friends. After that I'm going to Ashley's house to sleep over, which is always fun. It's been a while since I slept over there so I'm pretty happy about it. I think we'll probably watch some movies or PLL. I'm not sure but I think we might go out to dinner- and I don't have money. "/ But I'm sure we'll figure something out.

Tomorrow I have to go see this woman about my therapist and junk, and before that I'm hitting up the gym, so I'm not sure if I'll be able to write. I'm not sure what I'm doing after the appointment but I'll try to at least update even if it is a short post.

I really want to take some pictures today at the mall. That and buy a book.

I also want to work on my novel, and I'm thinking that tomorrow would be a good day for that. So I think that's what I'll do after I get home.

I'm skipping the QotD today since I'm feeling a bit lazy, but I'll definitely post one up the next time I update. I also think I'll be adding a new section to my posts, but I'm not telling yet!

Now I think it's time for me to go, so let's hope that today is awesome, not just for me but for everyone else as well. :]

Laters.

Hello all, it's been a while. But don't worry, I didn't forget about my blog!

First off, I guess I should fill you all in on what I've been up to. I started a membership at a gym, and I'm really excited about it. I've already gone for three straight days and I really want to make a habit of it. I think getting in shape will really help my self esteem and that's something I definitely need. Tim is also going with me and that keeps me even more motivated, not to mention it makes the experience more fun. I'm looking forward to going back tomorrow. :]

Next, the last week has been pretty busy. I've been seeing my peer counselors and going to my groups. That and I went out a few times- I even went to a party that was pretty kickass. I went with Ashley, and we danced and ate tacos. It was cool. Now this Saturday coming up is my cousin's Sweet 15, so I'm going there too. My aunt really wanted me to go so hopefully it'll be fun too.

Speaking of future plans, I have a bunch of stuff that I'm going to be doing. I have appointments, plans with friends, the gym, and other events all happening this week. I'm going to be really busy and I'm loving it. Hanging out with Jenna and Ashley should be really fun, and having a sleepover right after is going to be awesome. Maybe I'll even have a chance to watch some PLL? (Hint hint, Ashley xP)

The only thing I need to get sorted out is finding a new therapist and working with Scott to find a job. After that I'll be all set. Well, that and a few other things- but those are small matters.

This past week I've also been writing! And I'm really happy about that because lately I haven't had any motivation to write at all. I even finished reading a whole book, (I pulled an all nighter to do it, though). I've even been writing in my journal, which I've been neglecting. I'm glad to be doing all these things again.

Anyway, I think it's time for the QotD, which is:

*Do you prefer for a male character or female character to be the center of a story?*

Leave answers in the comment section  b e l o w  XD

OR if you feel like contacting me, about this post, my novel, or just for random feedback- please fill out the form to the right. All suggestions/comments are welcome.

Okay, that's it for now. I should be back tomorrow, and if not, it's because I couldn't think of anything to write about.

Laters.

Hello all, it's 4:32 PM right now and I'm not quite sure what to write about.

I didn't update yesterday, but then again there wasn't much to update- it was a boring day. The same goes for today. At the moment I'm just watching some TV. The show I'm watching is about UFOs or something, I'm not really paying much attention to it. I'm thinking of working on my novel until Tim gets home from work, so when I'm done here that's what I'll be doing.

I'm feeling really tired today and I'm not sure why. But I'm trying to stay up so that I won't sleep all day again. I need something to do I guess. (Which is why I'm going to work on my story when I finish here!)

Well, I'm not going to do the QotD or anything special today. I'm just updating to let everyone know I'm still here. XP

Leave comments  b e l o w  if you feel like it OR contact me by filling out the form to the right. >>>

Anyway, sorry for the short and lazy post everyone. o.O;; I guess it's an off day for me.

I almost forgot, but everyone should go check out this blog! :)

It's pretty cool and I think you should all check it out!

Alright, I'm going to write now. :'D

Laters.

Hey all! It has been three days since I last wrote, but I'm back!

First off, let me tell you some things that have been going on: Sunday I was a bit lazy and didn't update, but Monday I was extremely busy due to my trip to Connecticut and New York. So I think I'll skip describing my lazy day and go straight to yesterday.

I woke up around 7 AM and got ready to leave to Connecticut with Tim and my in-laws to go see Jerry Springer. The trip there was fun, and I kept taking random pictures of myself and Tim in the van. We got out at a rest stop and got some good food, (I can't remember the name of the place that we bought it from though,) and by the time we got to CT it was around 2:30 PM. We waited in line, and then again indoors, and we finally got into the show around 5:00 PM. So we were all pretty frustrated when we got in. But the show made up for the wait big time. It was funny as hell, and pretty cool to actually be in the audience of a show like that. I didn't expect myself to get into it, but I was standing up and yelling "Jerry, Jerry!" along with everyone else and it was awesome. Not to mention we got free stuff, thanks to Tim's really tall dad. He caught like six things. :]

After that we made the trip to White Castle. It wasn't as crazy as Harold and Kumar's trip, but it was still good nonetheless. The burgers were great, and so were the chicken rings and onion rings. I'm really happy that I can say I've gone to White Castle. After that we went to the Empire State Building and went to the 86th floor, but it was raining so the visibility was only ten miles. I thought it was funny how many people they had working there, well actually just standing there so we would know where to go. And they were dressed up in these cute little red outfits. My phone was dead by then so I couldn't take any pictures, but Tim did and they came out great. This is one that he took!

After that we got some pizza, and what they say is true. New York has they best pizza, I loved it. We walked around for a little afterwards and bought some souvenirs at the gift shop, and I fell asleep on the way home (we arrived at 4 AM!)

All in all it was a great day and I hope to go back to New York sometime in the future so I can explore a bit more. I really want to see the Statue of Liberty, and get another slice of pizza! It was yummy. :]

Now back to the present- I haven't done much today since I was sleeping until about 1 PM, and right now it's almost 5:30 PM, and I have to go to my group. So it's not going to be a very productive day. I'm thinking of just relaxing with a book after my group and waiting for Tim to get home. Then I'll spend time with him. :D

Alright, time for the...

Question of the Day:

*In a story, would you prefer for a character to develop a relationship with a romantic interest, or for the character to already have a relationship?*

Leave answers in the comment section  b e l o w  XD

OR if you feel like contacting me, about this post, my novel, or just for random feedback- please fill out the form to the right. All suggestions/comments are welcome.

That's it! I hope everyone had a great day! I'll be back tomorrow. :]

Laters.

Yesterday sucked.

I can't even start to explain how much it sucked. But I suppose I can say what happened. I had to go to the hospital for something I thought I had dealt with, but apparently not. So now I feel like I have to start all over with this stupid problem and get over it, again. I was so fucked up when I got home because of the meds they had me on, and the only thing I'm glad about is that they didn't keep me there. (Like they usually do.) And now I'm awake, early again, which is weird but I'm not surprised this time. I feel like shit, so to anyone who reads this, you'll know why I won't be very responsive today.

Anyway, my list is going to be the same one from yesterday, except with a few minor changes.

1. Stay awake!
2. Read a book.
3. Work on my novel.
4. Don't think about it.
5. Laundry.
6. Talk to my friends.
7. Keep myself busy. (I might need assistance though.)
8. Really, really, try not to sleep during the day.
9. Figure out what's going on with my Uncle.
10. Fill out *more*  information forms for characters.
11. Try not to dwell on negative thoughts. "/ (Especially today.)
12. Go out if I have the chance to. Maybe.
13. Have a productive day.

Yeah, I was lazy. No, I don't care if this wasn't very creative. "/

Anyway, I'll probably go start writing since I need a distraction. Oh, and write back to some people and explain what happened. Yup, that's about it for now. Sorry for the short post.

Question of the Day:

*Do you prefer a novel with more dialogue than description, vise-versa, or equal amounts of both?*

If you want to contact me leave a comment b e l o w OR fill out the form to the right of this post. >>>
- Or you could do both if you so choose to, as long as you respond. :] -

Alright, well I'm off to get my day started. I hope you all have a nice day!

Laters.

Hey all, it's my second day in a row updating and even I'm surprised. >.>;; It's a good thing though!

I woke up pretty early this morning, around 7:00 AM and ended up rescheduling my appointment. I'm actually kind of relieved about certain things but I won't get into details about my medical problems here.

Last night was pretty fun, I was on Formspring having two different conversations with the same person, and for some reason it was highly addictive just waiting for the next question to be asked. It's pretty cool, and I was up until 3 AM just writing back and forth. I ended up missing two things on my list from yesterday, one of which was not going to sleep during the day and the other being exercise. Otherwise I did pretty well. And I still slept through the night so taking a nap didn't hurt as much as I thought it would.

I just finished watching Fight Club, and that movie is amazing. The title of my post is a quote from that movie. But I won't get into it since I don't want to sound like a raging fangirl. You should all go see it, though.

I feel like my day is already at its end even though it's only 12 PM. I still have all day to do things, but I'm  not sure what I want to do. I'm glad I got to spend time with Tim, since he woke up at the same time as me. I think when he goes to work I might work on my novel. Or read, whichever I feel like doing at the time.

I think I'll make a list again. I'll try to make a habit out of this. Here goes:

1. Stay awake!
2. Read a book.
3. Work on my novel.
4. Call those people at Bamsi. Ugh.
5. Clean my room.
6. Talk to my friends. xD
7. Keep myself busy. (I might need assistance though.)
8. Look up information on how to get things published.
9. Make plans to go to groups.
10. Fill out information forms for characters.
11. Try not to dwell on negative thoughts. "/
12. Go out if I have the chance to.
13. Have a productive day.

Okay, all done. Hopefully I can do everything there, but if I can't it's alright. I think I'll get the cleaning and calling people out of my way first so that I can focus on my novel afterwards. If you'd like to know what my novel is about, scroll down to yesterday's post and read about it. I'm always looking for opinions and suggestions. :]

Anyway, before I skip off to do some cleaning, I have a question for all of you.

*Which is more appealing to you- a first person or third person point of view for a novel?*

Leave comments b e l o w.

Thanks for reading. :D As always, if you have any feedback, you can contact me by filling out the form to the right of this post. So don't be afraid to contact me! >>>

Laters.

I'm not sure where to begin. My last post was in December, and now it's almost the end of January and so much has happened.

My friend moved away, and that sucks because I haven't been able to keep in touch with her really. Whenever we talk it's just an exchange of a few sentences and that's it. I don't blame her, I know she just moved to a new place and needs to get settled and all that. I just miss my friend is all.

My birthday passed. It was on the 20th of January, and now I'm twenty years old. My parents took me out to dinner and a movie with my boyfriend and we had some fun. We saw Book of Eli which was pretty good. I liked the concept of the movie, the only thing I disliked was the very ending. But overall it was a good movie and I would recommend it to any of you out there.

I don't feel any different now that I'm twenty. The only thing that really made me aware of it was that I had to celebrate it. Otherwise it would have been just another day. I don't get excited anymore when it comes to my birthday, I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I'm getting older?

In January I was in the hospital. I had to be taken in because my depression and anxiety was acting up again. That and I've been having nightmares, which is completely new and terrifying. Mostly because when I wake up I'm still in a state of shock and my anxiety skyrockets. I hate it. I did get out of the hospital in better shape than when I went in, so that's good. I saw my primary care physician and he's running some tests. And I've also been going back to therapy which gets me out of the house. And my doctor wants to talk to my therapist which I thought was a bit weird, but whatever. I'm also going to see a psychiatrist so I can get the medication that I need to take and fix my doses that I'm taking now. That's not until February 19th, though. Then there's the "social worker" that I need to talk to about services that they can provide. So there's a lot going on right now.

My cousin is coming to my house to sleep over on the first of February. I'm happy that I'm going to have someone to keep me company, because I've been feeling really lonely lately. We should have fun, so I'm looking forward to it. And she's staying a week so I'm happy about that as well.

AS FOR MY WRITING, I have been working on my story since I got back home. I've completed a few more chapters while also doing plot outlines and character profiles. So I have been making progress on that. I've also been reading a lot of books and playing The Sims 3, (which for some reason I'm addicted to- I just love all the customization.)

I will be posting here everyday now that I'm back into a good routine. Even if no one reads, then I'll do it for myself. After all, I need to keep myself happy too. :)

On another note, I'm really looking for some friends, (because my lack of socialization is ridiculous.) So if you'd like to talk, about anything at all, please send me an email! I always love to meet new people.

Hail and Farewell~

Black is my favorite color! :D

Just thought I'd add that in here.

So now to what I was going to say. I think I might try going to GameStop today to buy a game. But if it's too crowded I'll just go tomorrow. I don't have the patience to wait for a long time just to get the one game that I want.

Other than that I think I'm going to devote this day to reading my two new books that I bought, since I just put them in my shelf and didn't start them. So I'm going to do that today. And if I finish reading them early, which I most likely will since I read fast, I'll start writing. I've just been staying away from writing ever since I found out my flashdrive didn't have all the stories that I typed. So I'm pretty pissed about that. And the only way to retrieve them is from my laptop that I had before this, but that one is out of comission until they fix the inside of it. Then I can get all those hours of typing back. And be happy.

On another note, the game I'm planning on buying is Left For Dead 2, which is a zombie survival game that is co-op so I can play it with Timothy. So that's the main reason I want it. That and I love that genre of games. So hopefully I'll be able to get it today. Then we can play! :D And if we beat it before a week ends we can trade it for another game which would be cool.

Well, I think I've typed what I wanted to type. Maybe I'll go on PSHome today. My PSN is Crimson_Chain if anyone wants to add me. Just make sure you mention that you got my PSN from my blog, otherwise I'll be all WTF is this? So yeah, add me if you want to.

Now off to do some reading, then if I have time do the other things I said.

Thanks for reading! :)

So I had to see my sibling today when I went to my Aunt's house for Thanksgiving dinner. I didn't expect her to be there and it startled me when she was there with her "fiance". That just put me in an awful mood and I didn't acknowledge them at all. I just held my head high and did what I wanted. And I got to see my neices again, so that's good. This time the older one ran up to me and gave me a hug, and that made me feel so much better. It was worth putting up with them so I could see the kids.

On another note, the dinner was awesome. I had potato salad, rice, meatballs, some stuffing mixture, and other things. I didn't have turkey, because I don't like it. I always found that funny. I think I don't like it because it's too dry. Or something. But back to what I was saying- the food was good. I had some cake afterwards with this white frosting that was delicious. I still have two pieces left that I brought home with me.

Well, Tim is sleeping and I'm about to join him. So goodnight to everyone and I hope everyone had a pleasant Thanksgiving. As always, thank you for reading. :)

Well today I woke up pretty early. Around 6 A.M. and I didn't go back to sleep. I'm waiting for Timothy to wake up so that I can start getting ready. Which is right about now, since the alarm just rang and scared the hell out of me. I'm fine now though, but it definitely startled me.

Today I'm planning on going to my Aunt's house for Thanksgiving which should be at least interesting. I don't really feel comfortable whenever I visit my family because I'm not exactly a people person so I don't socialize with them. That and I know Timothy is most likely going to be uncomfortable since he doesn't know anyone there. So I'm just hoping that the visit goes well and that we'll be able to leave early. I just want to relax at home with Timothy and watch some movies or something. But my mother is pressuring us to make an appearance so I have to at least do thata for her.

I'm watching some TV now, since Timothy just pressed snooze and went back to sleep. I think I'm going to go soon though. And I hope everyone does have a happy day today with their families or loved ones. I'm not sure what I'm thankful for, but what is everyone else thankful for? Love, friends, family? There are a lot of things to be thankful for.

Well, I'm off now. Time to get ready for this long day. And thank you for reading, like always. :)

I can't remember the name of the song that's in my title. Or the artist. This song has been stuck in my head all night. I just finished watching The Mighty Boosh on Adult Swim. It's a show that I haven't seen before and it was pretty weird but funny at the same time. That and the main character is cute. :)

I was getting angry earlier because the internet on my cell was deciding to be slow and not work with me. But now it's working so I'm happy. That's the only thing I'm happy about though. I don't remember when or how but I messed up my sleeping schedule and now I'm nocturnal. The good thing I guess is that I've been sleeping. The bad thing is that I keep sleeping all day, which is not good. I need to fix it. I think I fixed my sleeping pattern last time this happened by forcing myself to stay up when I got sleepy during the day and then falling asleep at night. But doing that is hard because it involves me staying up twenty-four hours and I'm already tired now. Eh, enough complaining.

For the last few days I've been thinking about going to the hospital. For two reasons. I've been feeling anxious and depressed and I'm not taking anything for it other than my Xanax which doesn't seem to help as much anymore. So I need my medication to be regulated again. Then there's the issue of me not having insurance and from what I was told I need to go to the hospital and ask for free care. I'm not sure what I'm going to do but if I don't blog for a while you'll know where I am and why. I won't think about it now, I don't want to cause myself unecessary stress.

I have to stay up another two hours so I can take my pill. Then I'm going to try and stay up but I don't think that is going to happen today, I'm so tired I could pass out.

I'm so tired. Well, I'm going to stop typing now and go do something to keep myself busy.

I'll try to post later if I can. Thanks for reading.

One change.

I'm not feeling as horrible as yesterday. Good, I guess. Maybe I won't end up in the hospital, maybe.

Oh, and Timothy and I had a long talk. He's going to join the Air Force. To secure our future. There are of course pro's and con's, but the pro's outweigh the bad. With the way that Timothy's job is now, he's not going to get anywhere. He has no benefits there. So I'm helping him find all the information he needs. Since he didn't gradute High School, he'll be taking classes so that he can get his diploma. In the meantime he can pay $65 and take the test to get his G.E.D., which he can also use to register for the Air Force, although the High School Diploma is better for him to have. So I want him to get the diploma, since it increases his chances of being recruited.

The thing I am going to hate is that we will be separated for a long time while he does the eight and a half weeks of basic training and then goes to technical school to train for his career. But this is something that Timothy has told me that he wanted to do for a long time, so I will support him. I think that joining will make him more mature, and we'll also be able to move out of my mother's house and be independent. He'll also get the sign on bonus of $10,000, which we can use to make our credit better among other things. I think that this is something that he needs to do, and we will both benefit from it in the long run.

We've talked about it and this is a decision that we have thought about and considered. So I am going to help him make this happen. I think it will take a year before he can sign up, because we have to prepare and get his education complete, not to mention getting him into shape so that he can meet the minimum requirements when he goes there.

That's all I am going to talk about for now. I still have some information that I need to find.

Both mentally and physically. I just want to snuggle under my covers and hibernate. Among other things that I will not post here. Most likely I'm going to end up in the hospital for the fifth time, so if I don't update, you know why.

See you.

So yeah I WAS sleeping until Timothy with his loud talking woke me up. Now I doubt I'm going to be able to sleep.

Well, as for today, I did write but only a little bit, which I suppose is better than nothing. Then from about 1 PM to 4:40 PM I spent time with my red headed friend. Though I had massive allergies over there for some reason. Next time I go I think I'll take a Benadryl or something. But other than me sneezing every ten seconds I had fun and we got to chat and just chill with eachother which was awesome. That's the second day in a row that I got to get out of the house so I'm very happy!

As for Halloween, I'm not even sure what I'm doing. I don't have a costume. Well, I do, but I've already worn it and there's no point in wearing a costume if I'm not going anywhere. Timothy had talked about all these plans that he had, saying that he was going to get dressed up and scare the kids but apparently he flaked out on that idea and still hasn't told me what's happening. It's freaking Halloween for the love of chocolate! And I don't know what's going on. I really dislike that. I want to do something but at the moment I can't talk to him since he's on his game and can't be interrupted. Sorry if I sound a little angsty people, I just woke up. ^^;

But yeah, I am excited for Halloween tomorrow! And if nothing happens maybe I'll ask my mom to bring me over to my friend's house, since at least she seems to be in the Halloween spirit! :]

And right now I'm going to go read some more Vampire Diaries, and this time I hope I don't fall asleep. Well, off to read! Or, whatever else I feel like doing!

Happy Halloween everyone! (Just in case I can't post tomorrow) And may you all eat lots of candy until your tummy aches! =P

Thanks for reading! Bwahahahaha! <-- That's my scary laugh. Scary? Yes? No? Nevermind. >.>

I am up early again! I'm not sure how but I randomly woke up at 6 AM exactly. Weird, but cool. Now I can get some things done. So after I finish posting I will get to my writing. I also forgot that today is Friday so it's cleaning day too. And I also want to go over my friend's house again today, if I can get a ride.

I don't exactly remember falling asleep yesterday. I do know that I was reading, but when I woke up my book wasn't in my hands, so maybe Timothy put it away? Otherwise that's really creepy. >.> I'll ask when he wakes up.

I basically said what my plans were for today, so no need to go into that. As for my writing, I'm going to work on it after I clean, because I know that if I start writing I won't get to my cleaning because I lose my sense of time when I get into something. So clean first, write after. Then try to see if I can get a ride to my friend's house. So I changed the order a bit. I'm not sure what's happening tonight, as far as what Timothy is doing- whether or not he is going to play a game or if we're going to do something together. I think I'm going to encourage him to play a game since most of this week he spent with me, so he definitely deserves to play his game if that's what he wants to do. If he does that I'll just write or continue reading the Vampire Diaries novel. So yeah, I think that's all I'm doing today.

Now, off to clean! It's not fun but somebody has to do it.

Thanks for reading, and if you have time, please click on my ads or send me a comment in my pop-up chatroom! Thanks :]

Well I didn't get much writing done, but I did get to hang out with my red headed friend for a few hours which was cool. I needed to get out of my house and I'm glad I could spend time with a friend. I'm thinking of going to visit her tomorrow again, that is if I can get a ride there.

I do have to get some writing done though, so I'm planning on waking up early tomorrow. I did stay up all day so I should be able to fall asleep without a problem. And if not then I'll take a Trazedone. Or maybe read until I get tired. But I don't want to stay up past 12 AM. So I hope I fall asleep naturally.

I watched Mall Cop with Timothy, and the movie was pretty funny. I liked it, and at some parts I was laughing really hard. I think we'll be watching another movie tomorrow. Not sure which though, since we have quite a few recorded and a bunch of DVD's we haven't watched. But I'm not even sure if we'll be watching a movie tomorrow, because I don't know if Timothy is going to play his game instead. So I might either be reading, writing, or playing my own game.

Well, this is going to be a short post. I think I'm going to do some reading then head to sleep.

So goodnight, and as always thanks for reading!

*sigh* Good afternoon people! I woke up late, yet again. I messed up my whole sleeping schedule and I have to figure out how to get it back.

So today, I'm going to get started on the character profiles which should be fun because I find it to be similar to a survey, I just need to make sure it's in the character's voices and not my own. Then I will edit a bit if I have to, and continue with writing. I really want to draw for some reason though. I always like to draw the characters for my stories, mostly because it gives me a face to work with and I love to draw so it's a win-win situation. Maybe when I put in my contacts today and I have those two hours of actually being able to see clearly I'll take that as a chance to draw. :] (unless my eyes get irritated, then the whole plan would backfire!)

It's already 1:11 PM and I really dislike that I haven't been waking up at 6 AM like I used to. I'm going to try and get that schedule back, because the way it is now I feel like I don't have enough time in the day. I think I know how to fix it though, I just need to make sure I stay up the whole day and not take any naps so that I'll be tired at night and not in the day. Either that or I could take a Trazedone to put me to sleep. But I hate relying on pills so I'll try the first idea. So hopefully it will work!

I did get to read Vampire Diaries, but I didn't read much. So far though it's alright. After all, I'm in the beginning and that's where everything is introduced so I have to be patient for the "OMG that was cool" parts. I plan to read some more of it before I go to sleep.

I've also been thinking and I've come to the conclusion that I have to get out more. I want to make plans and stick to them. I need to spend time with my friends, and I need to do this soon because I'm tired of being a hermit. My cousin is reliable, so that's good. I just have to figure out how I'm going to get a ride there. Because she lives fourty minutes away from me. The thing that's cool though is that when I asked her if I could come over she said anytime, so I'm going to take her up on that offer. I have to get out of this house!

On another note, I think I'm going to take my leave now. I feel rushed for some reason. So off to get some work done!

Thanks for reading, like always! :]