Craziness xD

So far, anyway.

I'm so tired even though I went to sleep at a reasonable time. And I'm bored. I was just playing Final Fantasy XII for around two hours, and now I'm just on my laptop checking my E-mail and Facebook, among other things. Today I am feeling really lazy.

Lately all my appoinments haven't been kept because of isssues that my insurance is having. So I haven't seen my therapist, who I must see, and I haven't seen my doctor, who I need to see for personal reasons. I have to keep moving my appointments farther and farther away and it's really irritating. And I have to keep a tab on my insurance so I can know when my stupid Neighborhood Health Plan is going to show up on the computer. Then I have to call CVS about my prescriptions and make sure they've been filled. So it seems I have another busy day ahead of me.

Yesterday I watched Clerks which was really weird but funny at the same time. The only thing that bothered me was that it was in black and white the whole time. I loved two parts from that movie, but I'll only mention one. I love the part when Silent Bob starts breaking it down to the music outside. I started laughing really hard at that. Just because it was so unexpected. But that's all I'm going to say, I don't want to ruin the movie for people who haven't seen it.

I think I want to write today too. Or at least I'm going to try to. After I finish my blogging I'm going to get started on making all these calls and making sure everything is in order. After that, depending on my mood, I'll probably play a little more Final Fantasy XII and after that I'll start writing. If not, I'll read a book. I have to return some books that I borrowed to my friend, so I have to try and finish them then get them back to her.

Well, I'm done here, and now I have to go make some calls. I'll try to post later.

Thanks for reading!

Well today was a long day. It feels like two days have passed instead of one. I went to my Aunt's house and Timothy fixed the surround system and now everything works. He even offered to go with my Uncle and buy a part that he needs to make the TV work better. He's been really nice to my family lately. I need to go to his Godmother's house one of these days.

I've been playing Final Fantasy XII for the last two hours since Tim isn't here. He's off going to his "brother's" house and then off to his sister's house torun errands. So I'm just here trying to figure out what to do.

My day was good, but like I said, long. After I came home with Timothy from my Aunt's house, I watched Tim play a videogame and then watched G.I.Joe, which was pretty good. And that took a long time. The movie was about two hours, then I watched the videogame for about two hours. I didn't do anything other than that than play my videogame but I just guess the day is passing by so slow. I think I'll probably head to sleep soon.

I also keep forgetting things. I don't remember which appointment I have tomorrow, but I do know I have one and I don't remember for what time. Then I have one the next day and I don't remember for what time or where either, so tomorrow I have to call my doctors office and see if it's with them. If not, then it's with my therapist. I think I'm just a little bit overwhelmed.

Alright, Timothy just got home so I'm going to end this post here. I'll write tomorrow, and I'm sorry this was such a boring post.

Thanks for reading! And Goodnight.

Well I guess today is going to be bittersweet.

I have to go with Timothy to my aunt's house and he's going to fix my uncles surround sound system which is going to take who knows how long. I'm most likely going to be upstairs and with my aunt who I hardly talk to, even though she;s my favorite aunt. But there's a language barrier that makes me feel silly when I talk to her. My spanish has been lacking lately. I mean, the basic stuff is fine I just can't get certain words. But yeah, I'm going to be upstairs with her and she's probably going to try and make me eat something because she does that with everyone. She's always saying, "Come and eat, I made it just for you!" and then you can't help but eat because of the guilt trip she puts you on. And I'm trying to stick to a diet but I'm most likely going to have to give in and eat what she makes. Unless it's fish, in which case I can tell her I don't like fish and I get a get out of jail free card which is awesome.

On to other things. Since I'm going there and I don't know how long I'm going to be there I'm going to take my laptop with me. So to let everyone know, I will absolutely be writing today which is great, I've been wanting to write. And now's my chance! Since I'm not going to have internet there I have nothing to distract me from writing today. So that's what my plan is to make time go by faster while I'm there. I just have to make sure I don't ignore my aunt or anything like that because I don't like to be rude.

Okay, well I think I'm about done with this update. I'll post later about how much I got done. :)

Thanks for reading!

Well, I'm kind of tired but not. I did have a busy day and I didn't get to write because I was flipping out over a bill that I got for over a thousand dollars. I have to make some calls tomorrow and set everything straight because I am NOT paying all that money to care that was supposed to be "free". I mean, they call it Free Care for a reason right? Because it should be free.

On to other matters. I'm sitting here watching Tim play his game, like he said he would. And I'm so bored I had to get out my laptop and start blogging and going on Facebook. I don't know what to do really. I'm tired but not tired enough to sleep. I can't play a game right now. I don't want to write because I'm in a bad mood and that would definitely influence me. Well... I guess there's nothing left to do other than talk to my friend (who is probably going to go to sleep soon), or just take an Ambien and drift off.

I don't even know why I'm typing this right now. I think I'm just trying to delay my whole sleeping thing. I don't want to go to sleep. But I'm not really writing anything of importance here. I just want to type for the hell of it. Oh well, it's not like anyone reads these things anyway.

I think I'm going to leave now. I'll post tomorrow.

Thanks for reading and Goodnight!

I have been wicked busy today. I was reorganizing and cleaning my whole house. And helping my parent's with stuff that they needed help with. Soon they will be going to work and I'll have the house to myself. I'm feeling tired though and I'm not sure if I should take a nap until Tim gets home. But he's planning on playing a game tonight so I want to wait until he gets here to sleep. Since he's going to be on a game I'm going to be bored and the way I see it I might as well wait and go to sleep.

I'm a little bit mad today. I wanted to write. But I got so many other things done I can't stay mad. I figured out the status on my health insurance. I figured out my expenses for next month, and I fugured out that I can pay off the debt that I owe so I'm happy. That means I won't have bad credit. And now that I'm getting my health insurance in two days I can get my pills and not have to worry about paying fifty dollars for one Rx. So that's definitely good. :)

I'm just a bit dissappointed as to my expenses. I figured out how much I have to send out, and I hardly have over a hundred dollars left until the next month. It sucks, but after this I shouldn't have to spend any money on my debt so I'll have more than that. Although I do want to help Tim repay my mother, but I'm not sure if I'm going to leave that to him or not. He's getting his car sometime next week, so he won't have to use my mother's car anymore. But that also means he's going to be paying more for gas. So I think either way I'm going to have to help him out. I am however going to make it a point to at least save twenty-five dollars a month at least so that I can save up for the future. It will probably be only that amount in January, but after that I'm going to save from fifty to one hundred each time. And that will add up.

Well, I am taking a break now from everything I was doing. I'm glad my room looks better. I gave my puppy a bath too so he smells good. I think maybe now I'll write, unless something else pops up that I have to attend to. Until next time, everyone.

Thanks for reading! :)

From Timothy. Because he went on his game yesterday instead of trying to spend time with me. Well. I'm not talking about that right now. I don't feel like getting into the details of why or anything.

So yeah, I just woke up, like it says in my title. It's really early right now, about 6:00 AM. I'm not sure what I'm going to do. But I do have some ideas. I have a few stories that I haven't finished typing on my laptop so I think I might do that for a while. Then I know my mother is going to be wrapping up gifts today so I'm going to help her do that. Then I will write, because it's been so long since I actually wrote on my chapters. And I miss writing. So that's what I'll do. And if I have writer's block then I'll start drawing characters for my stories, as long as it has to do with my story. I'm really set on doing this. I eventually want one of my stories to be published or made into a manga. That's my dream.

So... onto a different topic. Now that I have my schedule I think I'm all set as far as knowing what I'm going to do. I know this is random but I uploaded a bunch of songs into my MP3 player. Which took a long time because I was ripping the songs from all of my CD's and then syncing them to my MP3 player. So it was time consuming but I got it all done. And yesterday I helped my mother wrap gifts. And I cleaned my room. And I took a bubble bath, but that didn't last too long. It was still nice though.

God, my skin is so dry! I just noticed. I think it's this Noxema I've been using. Because my skin wasn't dry before I started using it. It's bothering me now. So I think I'll stop using it. Haha, sorry that was completely unnecessary but it happened.

I'd like to go to my red headed friend's house this week. It's just so hard for me to get a ride. I'm getting paid today, hopefully, and if not I have to call SSI and bitch to them so I get my check in the mail. Because I already know where the money is going and I need to pay off some things. So yeah, it had better come!

Enough of my rambling, I'm signing off of this. I'll update again later.

Thanks for reading! :D

But it's alright, hopefully the medicine I took will help.

Otherwise I'm actually really happy. I found a CD that had all of my stories in it, and it was a CD I'd forgotten about so I was wicked happy when I found it. I now have it in my flashdrive too and I am planning on getting started on writing again! So I'm happy that now I can write again and resume where I left off.

Other than that I've been good when it comes to my ansiety. I've gone out a lot the past Sunday. To stores, and on Thanksgiving I could control my anxiety even though 'they' were there. So I think I'm doing good. I don't want to jinx it though. On the 3rd I have to go for a check-up then on the 8th I have to meet my old therapist again. And start new treatment. I'm hoping by then my insurance will kick in, because if it doesn't I have to call my therapist back and tell her I don't have insurance anymore. I just hope I have it by then, it would help me out a lot since I have prescriptions I have to pick up and I can't pay for them.

Well, enough of that. My headache seems to be getting a little better. I think today I'm going to write, read, go on PSHome, and do my other regular activities. I'm glad to be back on schedule, and I'm glad I'm not taking those addictive pills anymore! I still have to ween off of them, but I'm now taking another pill for my anxiety instead. Which I only take when I'm anxious, so I skip some of them which is good. So yeah, that's enough pill talk.

I think I'm done with this update. I don't think I forgot anything. Well, I want to go to my friend's house but I don't need to put that here. (Even though I just did.) Okay, I'm off to get my day started, even though it's past 12 PM now haha.

Thanks for reading! :D

Well first, the song I'm obsessed with. There for Tomorrow- "A little faster." The Song I'm Obsessed With Right Now

Now, on to other things. I did get to get back to sleep. Actually within five minutes of getting off my computer I K.O.ed. I'm up now but unhappy. Tim is going to a party and I'm not going because my sibling and her asshole of a "fiance" are going to be there, and I'm not up for the drama. I hate both of them, I don't care what anyone says. If people knew what they did they would understand. Until then, all I'm going to hear is "Oh, why do you hate your sister, she's FAMILY." And what I say to that is fuck that, I can choose my own family. I have friends that are better sister's than her. I don't need HER at all. After all the shit she's pulled, and she's the type that doesn't apologize for anything she's done. So it's basically an end to the "relationship" we had there, unless she wisens up, which I doubt will happen.

Sorry for all the cussing. I'm a little angry right now. I'm not changing anything I said though.

So yeah, my Tim is going to his godmother's house for a party, and I'm staying home. I still haven't met his godmother, and I would like to. I'm not going to make drama for him and I don't want him to see me unhappy because then he won't enjoy himself. And I don't want that because then there would be no point in him going if he's thinking about how depressed I am at home. So I'm just going to keep myself busy as always. With whatever means I have. I think I'll go on PSHome. And just chat with random people. That would probably help. Everytime I go on there the time passes quickly. So I think that's what I'll do.

Now, off I go to start my day. Text me if you know me. Send me an email if you want to talk that way and don't know me personally. For people with a PS3, my PSN is Crimson_Chain, send me a message and add me.

Done.

Thanks for reading, and have a nice day!

I can't sleep right now. I woke up in a panic because I had a bad dream. I'm not sure what the dream was, but I know I don't remember it. It's weird but I can't go back to sleep because of it. I have to stay up because when I lay down I feel my boody tense up. But enough of that, I don't want to think about it anymore.

Today is Sunday, and Timothy is going to his Godmother's house for a party that I don't know how long is going to take. I'm not sure what I feel like doing today. Maybe some more reading, or maybe I'll write a little bit. Or a videogame, online, and sleeping might work. I don't know. It's still way too early for me to be up. Maybe I'll take an Ambien and sleep that way. But I hate taking pills if I can help taking them.

I feel like I've been doing good with my anxiety. The anxiety I'm having now. I have this stuffy nose that's pretty irritating. Maybe I'll blow my nose and see if it goes away. I need my nose so I can breathe. I'm looking forward to my red headed friend completing another chapter, especially since she has been on a roll and wrote two chapters each of the last two days. So I'm proud of her. And I'm glad she's sending me the chapters to read. Maybe today she'll be able to do the same thing.

I'm so tired, but I can't sleep. This is annoying. I think I'll read a book and maybe I'll fall asleep that way. I'm going to try though. I don't want to be up right now.

So on that note, I'll take my leave. Good Morning everyone and also Goodnight since I'm going to sleep.

Thanks for reading!

Well I was busy today. I was home all day and had all this time to myself. I cleaned, read, played some videogames, and read some manga. And I was basically on Twitter and Facebook all day. I posted a bunch of photo's from vacations that I had and it took a very long time to sort them out. Then Facebook decided it didn't want to cooperate with me so I had to figure out how to put my pictures in. It was a bit irritating but it definitely kept me busy.

This is going to be a short update, since it's late and I'm going to read a bit before I head to sleep. I had a really busy day which was alright. I didn't need to take my extra anxiety pills which I think is awesome. And after I read I'm going to drift off to sleep. So that's all I have to say. Goodnight everyone. And thanks for reading!

Well I just woke up from a good night's rest ehich hardly ever happens so I'm happy about that. Timothy works today, until 2, so I don't know what I'm going to do yet.

My ride isn't pulling through to drop me off at my friend's house, so I'm sad about that. I had told her I was going to go over her house but I really don't have a ride and going on a bus would give me a straight up anxiety attack. I feel really bad about it, and if she reads this I want her to know I'm sorry because I know this weeks was the only chance I could visit you since you're going back to college. :(

I guess since I'm not going over there I should at least make some plans. They will be similar to what I did yesterday. I'll probably play a videogame, read, and try to write. I just haven't been in the writing mood lately. I need to get back into it but I'm still depressed over losing all my hours of typing because it wasn't in my flashdrive. (Which I swore it was). But there's nothing I can do except retype, and I'm just not up for it. I don't want to redo everything I just did. But I will have to eventually. Not today though.

I'm going to take a hot shower and then get to starting my day. I'll make some coffee for Timothy and make him a lunch to bring to work. Since I like doing that for him. Well, off to do whatever.

Sorry this was a lame update, but thanks for reading! :)

And if you can, please click on the ads I have to the right and leave me a comment in the Yaplet pop-up chatroom, it's awesome!

To put it lightly, I'm a bit pissed off. I was supposed to go to my friend's house today but my mother decided to go out for Black Friday and go shopping. I didn't even know she was going to do that and she had already known I had plans. She said she's doing all the Christmas shopping today and I know that's going to take her FOREVER. So I know that I'm not going to be able to make it to her house. And that makes me angry because I had already made arrangements with her and I absolutely hate to break arrangements because I hate when people do that to me. And I know that I'm not going to be able to go, so this sucks. I think I'll ask her what she's doing tomorrow and hopefully she won't be busy so I can at least visit her for a little bit.

On another note, I got a new game. Uncharted 2: Among Theives. It's  a really awesome game and I've been playing it while my mother is out. That and I've been reading. I'm not sure what I want to do now, I'm getting tired and I'm a little hungry so maybe I'll go eat or something.

I'm still mad. I'm going to have a talk with my mother when she gets back.

Now I'm off. Laters.

Black is my favorite color! :D

Just thought I'd add that in here.

So now to what I was going to say. I think I might try going to GameStop today to buy a game. But if it's too crowded I'll just go tomorrow. I don't have the patience to wait for a long time just to get the one game that I want.

Other than that I think I'm going to devote this day to reading my two new books that I bought, since I just put them in my shelf and didn't start them. So I'm going to do that today. And if I finish reading them early, which I most likely will since I read fast, I'll start writing. I've just been staying away from writing ever since I found out my flashdrive didn't have all the stories that I typed. So I'm pretty pissed about that. And the only way to retrieve them is from my laptop that I had before this, but that one is out of comission until they fix the inside of it. Then I can get all those hours of typing back. And be happy.

On another note, the game I'm planning on buying is Left For Dead 2, which is a zombie survival game that is co-op so I can play it with Timothy. So that's the main reason I want it. That and I love that genre of games. So hopefully I'll be able to get it today. Then we can play! :D And if we beat it before a week ends we can trade it for another game which would be cool.

Well, I think I've typed what I wanted to type. Maybe I'll go on PSHome today. My PSN is Crimson_Chain if anyone wants to add me. Just make sure you mention that you got my PSN from my blog, otherwise I'll be all WTF is this? So yeah, add me if you want to.

Now off to do some reading, then if I have time do the other things I said.

Thanks for reading! :)

So I had to see my sibling today when I went to my Aunt's house for Thanksgiving dinner. I didn't expect her to be there and it startled me when she was there with her "fiance". That just put me in an awful mood and I didn't acknowledge them at all. I just held my head high and did what I wanted. And I got to see my neices again, so that's good. This time the older one ran up to me and gave me a hug, and that made me feel so much better. It was worth putting up with them so I could see the kids.

On another note, the dinner was awesome. I had potato salad, rice, meatballs, some stuffing mixture, and other things. I didn't have turkey, because I don't like it. I always found that funny. I think I don't like it because it's too dry. Or something. But back to what I was saying- the food was good. I had some cake afterwards with this white frosting that was delicious. I still have two pieces left that I brought home with me.

Well, Tim is sleeping and I'm about to join him. So goodnight to everyone and I hope everyone had a pleasant Thanksgiving. As always, thank you for reading. :)

Well today I woke up pretty early. Around 6 A.M. and I didn't go back to sleep. I'm waiting for Timothy to wake up so that I can start getting ready. Which is right about now, since the alarm just rang and scared the hell out of me. I'm fine now though, but it definitely startled me.

Today I'm planning on going to my Aunt's house for Thanksgiving which should be at least interesting. I don't really feel comfortable whenever I visit my family because I'm not exactly a people person so I don't socialize with them. That and I know Timothy is most likely going to be uncomfortable since he doesn't know anyone there. So I'm just hoping that the visit goes well and that we'll be able to leave early. I just want to relax at home with Timothy and watch some movies or something. But my mother is pressuring us to make an appearance so I have to at least do thata for her.

I'm watching some TV now, since Timothy just pressed snooze and went back to sleep. I think I'm going to go soon though. And I hope everyone does have a happy day today with their families or loved ones. I'm not sure what I'm thankful for, but what is everyone else thankful for? Love, friends, family? There are a lot of things to be thankful for.

Well, I'm off now. Time to get ready for this long day. And thank you for reading, like always. :)

Well my morning is starting out well. I'm watching the sunrise from my new TV that I love because it's huge and I don't need to sit close up to it like other TV's. (I have bad eyesight.) It's pretty soothing to hear all the morning sounds and the birds chirping. I think I might go on this channel more in the morning.

So my plans for today consist of writing and more writing. Then reading one of two new books that I bought. I also need to figure out what I'm going to get my mother and father for Christmas. My father should be easy though, I'll just get him an alcoholic drink for his bar. My mother is more difficult because she never gives anyone a clue of what she wants so I always have doubts about what I give her. But it should all work out. I already got Timothy his present and he was happy. Very happy in fact so that makes me happy too.

I think I might also clean up my room a bit and do some dusting and all that. My room was messy when I got back and I almost had an OCD moment where I was about to clean up everything in sight. But I held off until today and I'm going to make sure this room is clean. I think I'll do laundry too. So I have a busy day ahead of me which is good because I like to keep myself busy.

I am also hoping to get some brownies from my red headed friend today, if not that's okay too. I don't like to bother people about things so if she does send me brownies that would be cool. I've been craving some brownies lately.

I made plans to go to my other friend's house on Friday since she's only here for a week and it's basically my only chance to visit her. I think we'll have fun. I just need to hear back from her today and see if her mother will allow me to visit. After that I'm hoping to go and visit my red headed friend if she's not busy and won'y mind me coming over. I miss my friends and I want to visit them.

Well, I think I've rambled enough so I'll stop here. As always, thank you for reading and I hope you come back. Maybe even follow me? *hint hint* ^^:

I'll update later! :)

Well, in case anyone was wondering where I was, I was at the hospital and had to stay as an inpatient which wasn't fun at all. On top of that, when I went to the hospital I had to wait seven days before I could even get a bed. It sucked royally but what could I do? So I was in the hallway of the hospital for seven days and then I went upstairs to a psych ward. (Trust me, I was glad to be out of that hallway.) I could walk around, and I met some interesting people there as well. As for the reason I was there I won't get into specifics but I will say that it was because of my anxiety and depression.

I have plans to go see a therapist on the 8th of December. And that should be good for me because I am in dire need of some help. So hopefuly it will go smoothly since I have the same therapist that I had before my insurance was cut off. I need to find the papers that I came home with so that I can write down a reminder of when I am going to see my primary care physician. (which should also be tons of fun.) So I guess those are my plans for the next few weeks.

On another note, I bought a 32" flatscreen TV for Tim and I bought myself this laptop that I am writing from right now. I love this laptop. The only thing that sucks is that somehow my stories won't show up on my flashdrive so I can't upload anything to this laptop. So that means I can't write. Well, I think I could actually. I'll write one of the stories that I just started and continue on that one until I can retrieve my stories from the other laptop. Then it will be back to my regular schedule.

So I guess I've said what I want to say. I hope you guys can come back and read my blog, I know I've been gone a long time. So thanks for reading!

I can't remember the name of the song that's in my title. Or the artist. This song has been stuck in my head all night. I just finished watching The Mighty Boosh on Adult Swim. It's a show that I haven't seen before and it was pretty weird but funny at the same time. That and the main character is cute. :)

I was getting angry earlier because the internet on my cell was deciding to be slow and not work with me. But now it's working so I'm happy. That's the only thing I'm happy about though. I don't remember when or how but I messed up my sleeping schedule and now I'm nocturnal. The good thing I guess is that I've been sleeping. The bad thing is that I keep sleeping all day, which is not good. I need to fix it. I think I fixed my sleeping pattern last time this happened by forcing myself to stay up when I got sleepy during the day and then falling asleep at night. But doing that is hard because it involves me staying up twenty-four hours and I'm already tired now. Eh, enough complaining.

For the last few days I've been thinking about going to the hospital. For two reasons. I've been feeling anxious and depressed and I'm not taking anything for it other than my Xanax which doesn't seem to help as much anymore. So I need my medication to be regulated again. Then there's the issue of me not having insurance and from what I was told I need to go to the hospital and ask for free care. I'm not sure what I'm going to do but if I don't blog for a while you'll know where I am and why. I won't think about it now, I don't want to cause myself unecessary stress.

I have to stay up another two hours so I can take my pill. Then I'm going to try and stay up but I don't think that is going to happen today, I'm so tired I could pass out.

I'm so tired. Well, I'm going to stop typing now and go do something to keep myself busy.

I'll try to post later if I can. Thanks for reading.

Alright, today was pretty boring. I finished cleaning and doing even more laundry. And I reorganized everything in my drawers like I said I would. It was really tiring. Then I made Timothy a pasta dish and got myself some soup. I still have to wash the pillows and put the new comforter in, then I have to vacuum and shampoo the carpet. That's going to be done tomorrow though.

My headache left for a while but I can feel it coming back. Tomorrow is going to be interesting. Usually Timothy comes straight home after work but tomorrow he's going to visit his mother and godmother and go jogging. He's started his diet and exercise so he can be ready for when he goes to the Air Force. After all he needs to at least meet the minimum requirements. I think I might go with him. I'm not going to run but I can time him.

Today was my friend's mother's birthday, and I didn't get a chance to text her and tell her to wish her mother a happy birthday from me. So I hope she reads this because she was in my thoughts today, I was just overwhelmed with all the chores I had to do. And it's late so I don't know if she's up so I don't want to send a text and wake her.

But yeah, today was a busy day and I said I was going to update my blog, so that's what I'm doing. I have to go now though, I still have laundry that I have to do.

See you later, and thanks for reading! :)

Well, I am doing better. My cousin helped me out a lot, although I'm not sure if she knows how much. I got to talk to her on the phone the other day, and it just cheered me up. We even made plans so now I have something to look forward to. I'm still sad, just not as much. I'm glad that I have at least one family member that I can talk to like that.

Right now I'm taking a small break. I'm doing laundry and cleaning my room. It's hard to keep this room clean though, since it's a small room and Timothy and I have to share it. There just isn't enough space for everything. Especially clothes. But I organize the best I can. That's all I can do. I just really hate having clothes out in the open. It's not like the clothes is on the floor or spread out all over the room but it still bothers me. I want to go through all my drawers and reorganize everything. That would take a whole day though. I think I will be doing that soon though.

Enough talk of cleaning though. I just thought I would update and let people know that I am going to be okay, and that I'm alive and haven't forgotten about my blog. And I will be getting back to my regular blogging schedule, so expect a post everyday. :)

Also, this is off topic but did anyone hear about the shooting at Fort Hood today? I think it's really sad, and I feel bad for the families of the people who passed away. The news was all very sad.

Well, I have to get back to cleaning. I'll post tomorrow.

Thanks for reading, and if you can, please click on the Ads to the right?

One change.

I'm not feeling as horrible as yesterday. Good, I guess. Maybe I won't end up in the hospital, maybe.

Oh, and Timothy and I had a long talk. He's going to join the Air Force. To secure our future. There are of course pro's and con's, but the pro's outweigh the bad. With the way that Timothy's job is now, he's not going to get anywhere. He has no benefits there. So I'm helping him find all the information he needs. Since he didn't gradute High School, he'll be taking classes so that he can get his diploma. In the meantime he can pay $65 and take the test to get his G.E.D., which he can also use to register for the Air Force, although the High School Diploma is better for him to have. So I want him to get the diploma, since it increases his chances of being recruited.

The thing I am going to hate is that we will be separated for a long time while he does the eight and a half weeks of basic training and then goes to technical school to train for his career. But this is something that Timothy has told me that he wanted to do for a long time, so I will support him. I think that joining will make him more mature, and we'll also be able to move out of my mother's house and be independent. He'll also get the sign on bonus of $10,000, which we can use to make our credit better among other things. I think that this is something that he needs to do, and we will both benefit from it in the long run.

We've talked about it and this is a decision that we have thought about and considered. So I am going to help him make this happen. I think it will take a year before he can sign up, because we have to prepare and get his education complete, not to mention getting him into shape so that he can meet the minimum requirements when he goes there.

That's all I am going to talk about for now. I still have some information that I need to find.

Both mentally and physically. I just want to snuggle under my covers and hibernate. Among other things that I will not post here. Most likely I'm going to end up in the hospital for the fifth time, so if I don't update, you know why.

See you.

Well today was a mix of boredom, happiness, and sadness.

Bittersweet is the best word to describe it. The only word I feel fits.

To start off, it was just a normal day, a normal Halloween. I didn't dress up or anything- instead I watched a bunch of "scary" movies for most of the day. I was just relaxing and watching The Nightmare Before Christmas. Timothy was out in the garage scaring the little kids, he was dressed up and had his face covered. There was a CD playing with spooky Halloween sounds to set the mood. Then the unexpected happened, I got to see my two neices.

I guess I should stop here and explain a little bit about this situation. Long story short, my sibling has a grudge against me and because of that I'm basically forbidden to see my neices. Taking my neices away from me is a form of punishment. I don't give a fuck about her but I do care about the kids, and they obviously know that. So they use it as a form of punishment. So yeah, back to what happened.

So, I got to see my two neices- I'm guessing the right planets were alligned or something. And I was happy to see them, yet at the same time it made me depressed as hell, because there was a different aura about them. Almost like I was a stranger to them, like things were changed. And like they were never going to be the same. It was awkward, the older of my neices was dressed as a cute princess but I choked up whenever I wanted to say something to her. My other neice, who's younger and doesn't yet know how to walk or talk was dressed as a pirate. She didn't seem like she changed much, but that's to be expected for reasons I won't get into. But my older neice who can talk and is really smart just didn't act the same with me as she did before, she had hesitation in her eyes and actions. Almost like her parents had told her I was an evil person, like I was some type of disease. That's the part that made me sad. And hurt. And it made me want to go downstairs and slap my sibling across her face, but of course she and her "fiance" didn't come into the house, they were in the garage. And it serves them right, they'd better not dare walk into this house after what they did to my mother and me.

Just because my sibling had the balls to bring my neices here, for whatever reason, doesn't put her anywhere in my good graces. But whatever, apparently from what I'm hearing they didn't even want me to see them in the first place. "It just happened" so they let it go. That's what Timothy is telling me.

Well, I'm done with this shit. I'm done venting. They will get what they deserve. And that's what I'm going to keep telling myself.

I'll just focus on the one good thing about tonight- I got to see my neices.

Time to leave. I hope everyone had an enjoyable Halloween. And thanks for reading.

So yeah I WAS sleeping until Timothy with his loud talking woke me up. Now I doubt I'm going to be able to sleep.

Well, as for today, I did write but only a little bit, which I suppose is better than nothing. Then from about 1 PM to 4:40 PM I spent time with my red headed friend. Though I had massive allergies over there for some reason. Next time I go I think I'll take a Benadryl or something. But other than me sneezing every ten seconds I had fun and we got to chat and just chill with eachother which was awesome. That's the second day in a row that I got to get out of the house so I'm very happy!

As for Halloween, I'm not even sure what I'm doing. I don't have a costume. Well, I do, but I've already worn it and there's no point in wearing a costume if I'm not going anywhere. Timothy had talked about all these plans that he had, saying that he was going to get dressed up and scare the kids but apparently he flaked out on that idea and still hasn't told me what's happening. It's freaking Halloween for the love of chocolate! And I don't know what's going on. I really dislike that. I want to do something but at the moment I can't talk to him since he's on his game and can't be interrupted. Sorry if I sound a little angsty people, I just woke up. ^^;

But yeah, I am excited for Halloween tomorrow! And if nothing happens maybe I'll ask my mom to bring me over to my friend's house, since at least she seems to be in the Halloween spirit! :]

And right now I'm going to go read some more Vampire Diaries, and this time I hope I don't fall asleep. Well, off to read! Or, whatever else I feel like doing!

Happy Halloween everyone! (Just in case I can't post tomorrow) And may you all eat lots of candy until your tummy aches! =P

Thanks for reading! Bwahahahaha! <-- That's my scary laugh. Scary? Yes? No? Nevermind. >.>

I am up early again! I'm not sure how but I randomly woke up at 6 AM exactly. Weird, but cool. Now I can get some things done. So after I finish posting I will get to my writing. I also forgot that today is Friday so it's cleaning day too. And I also want to go over my friend's house again today, if I can get a ride.

I don't exactly remember falling asleep yesterday. I do know that I was reading, but when I woke up my book wasn't in my hands, so maybe Timothy put it away? Otherwise that's really creepy. >.> I'll ask when he wakes up.

I basically said what my plans were for today, so no need to go into that. As for my writing, I'm going to work on it after I clean, because I know that if I start writing I won't get to my cleaning because I lose my sense of time when I get into something. So clean first, write after. Then try to see if I can get a ride to my friend's house. So I changed the order a bit. I'm not sure what's happening tonight, as far as what Timothy is doing- whether or not he is going to play a game or if we're going to do something together. I think I'm going to encourage him to play a game since most of this week he spent with me, so he definitely deserves to play his game if that's what he wants to do. If he does that I'll just write or continue reading the Vampire Diaries novel. So yeah, I think that's all I'm doing today.

Now, off to clean! It's not fun but somebody has to do it.

Thanks for reading, and if you have time, please click on my ads or send me a comment in my pop-up chatroom! Thanks :]

Well I didn't get much writing done, but I did get to hang out with my red headed friend for a few hours which was cool. I needed to get out of my house and I'm glad I could spend time with a friend. I'm thinking of going to visit her tomorrow again, that is if I can get a ride there.

I do have to get some writing done though, so I'm planning on waking up early tomorrow. I did stay up all day so I should be able to fall asleep without a problem. And if not then I'll take a Trazedone. Or maybe read until I get tired. But I don't want to stay up past 12 AM. So I hope I fall asleep naturally.

I watched Mall Cop with Timothy, and the movie was pretty funny. I liked it, and at some parts I was laughing really hard. I think we'll be watching another movie tomorrow. Not sure which though, since we have quite a few recorded and a bunch of DVD's we haven't watched. But I'm not even sure if we'll be watching a movie tomorrow, because I don't know if Timothy is going to play his game instead. So I might either be reading, writing, or playing my own game.

Well, this is going to be a short post. I think I'm going to do some reading then head to sleep.

So goodnight, and as always thanks for reading!

*sigh* Good afternoon people! I woke up late, yet again. I messed up my whole sleeping schedule and I have to figure out how to get it back.

So today, I'm going to get started on the character profiles which should be fun because I find it to be similar to a survey, I just need to make sure it's in the character's voices and not my own. Then I will edit a bit if I have to, and continue with writing. I really want to draw for some reason though. I always like to draw the characters for my stories, mostly because it gives me a face to work with and I love to draw so it's a win-win situation. Maybe when I put in my contacts today and I have those two hours of actually being able to see clearly I'll take that as a chance to draw. :] (unless my eyes get irritated, then the whole plan would backfire!)

It's already 1:11 PM and I really dislike that I haven't been waking up at 6 AM like I used to. I'm going to try and get that schedule back, because the way it is now I feel like I don't have enough time in the day. I think I know how to fix it though, I just need to make sure I stay up the whole day and not take any naps so that I'll be tired at night and not in the day. Either that or I could take a Trazedone to put me to sleep. But I hate relying on pills so I'll try the first idea. So hopefully it will work!

I did get to read Vampire Diaries, but I didn't read much. So far though it's alright. After all, I'm in the beginning and that's where everything is introduced so I have to be patient for the "OMG that was cool" parts. I plan to read some more of it before I go to sleep.

I've also been thinking and I've come to the conclusion that I have to get out more. I want to make plans and stick to them. I need to spend time with my friends, and I need to do this soon because I'm tired of being a hermit. My cousin is reliable, so that's good. I just have to figure out how I'm going to get a ride there. Because she lives fourty minutes away from me. The thing that's cool though is that when I asked her if I could come over she said anytime, so I'm going to take her up on that offer. I have to get out of this house!

On another note, I think I'm going to take my leave now. I feel rushed for some reason. So off to get some work done!

Thanks for reading, like always! :]

Alrighty, I got to actually come back and update at the end of the day for once. :)

I picked out a story like I said I was going to do, and I chose the one where there's the war between the good king and the evil king. That is actually one of the stories I was somewhat working on on my laptop, but all I did for that story was a little bit of the character profiles, and I can rewrite those in my notebook. I didn't work on the story so what I have written in my notebook is the same as in my laptop. So I'm glad I chose that one. Now I can get back to writing! The only thing is that when I get my laptop fixed it's going to be a bitch to transfer what I've written into a document. Oh well.

I finished reading my three books today, which I guess is good. Now I need another book to read. Maybe Vampire Diaries since I have that book sitting on my shelf looking at me. So I think I'll give it some attention. I'll read it later tonight since I know for a fact that I'm probably not going to sleep since I took naps throughout the day, which screwed up my sleeping schedule. I've been like that for about three days now.

I didn't put my contacts in like I wanted to, only because my eye was already irritated for some reason. So I think I'll start that tomorrow. I'm also going to definitely write tomorrow. It will probably be the character profiles but that's alright as long as I'm getting something done. Then after that I have to edit some of the chapters and start the next one. The thing about writing in a notebook is that I don't know how many pages it would be typed, so I don't know if the chapter is long or short. But I'm still going to write something.

I think I'm going to go start my reading now, I'll post again tomorrow morning. Goodnight everyone!

And thanks for reading, like always! :]

Hello, and good afternoon!

I just woke up and it's already 12:47 PM. Usually I'm up earlier than that but last night I didn't sleep well. I bought three books yesterday, one was about vampires, another about how to draw Manga, and the last one contains over 40,000 names from different origins and their meanings. I've been going through the name book because I thought it would be nice to have so that I can highlight names that I like and possibly use them for my novels. It also has some interesting lists in it, like the original names of famous people. I think it's a cool book. I haven't looked that much at the vampire book yet, but I plan to today. That one basically contains the history and folklore about vampires. And I already looked at the Manga one, and there's a lot of useful information there. When I get my glasses back and can see well I'm going to practice drawing again.

As for my writing, it's going to be a while before I can get writing on my story again, since I have to first get money to fix my laptop, then send it out to get fixed. So I'm thinking of focusing on one of my other stories for now, which I have in a notebook, and I'm going to try to add to it. I don't like not writing and I have a bunch of ideas that I want to use. So if I can't use my laptop I'll have to do it old school. All of my stories started off in notebooks anyway, so I'm going back to my old notebook for now. I actually have about three stories in notebooks that I can choose from, two of them I have in my laptop too but I never added anything to them so it wouldn't matter if I added more into the notebook. So I'm going to read them over, and choose which one I want to edit and continue right now. I think it will be a nice change to actually write with a pen/pencil for once since it's been such a long time. It's good to get away from the electronics that people rely so much on. This should be refreshing. :]

As for today, I think I might be reading a lot, from both the books I bought and my three stories. By the end of the day I will have the story that I'm going to be working on chosen. (By the way, this definitely feels like DeJaVu.) But I'm not going to let the lack of having a laptop keep me from writing when I want to write. And that's that. I think I'm going to restart the process of getting my eyes used to contacts again, meaning I'll wear them for two hours today, then three tomorrow, and so on. Eventually I'll be able to wear them for twelve hours, which is going to be awesome.

Well, I'm off to find those three notebooks. After I pick one I have to make character profiles and all that, so it should keep me busy. Maybe I'll go make something to eat too.

And just for the record, I really hate these old pair of glasses that I have to wear! Okay, ranting done. =P

Alright, off to do things now! Thanks for reading! <3

Good Morning all!

Well, yesterday was definitely not a day that I want to repeat. It basically consisted of me making calls every twenty minutes back and forth from my doctor to my pharmacy. At one point I actually yelled at the person who picked up the doctors phone because it was always the same person and at that point I had already missed one of my pills and I was ready to kill someone. The only reason I was so mad was because everytime I called I would be put on hold and nobody would pick up, and trust me I would be on hold for like thirty minutes at a time, and then three times that I called they actually hung up on me. So naturally I was angry and I yelled at the woman to transfer me to an actual human being that I could talk to immediately. And it seems that being a bit more aggressive worked because within a minute I was talking to a woman named Sue who got what I needed done. I'm just mad because it took me all day.

I did get some other things done, like cleaning my room and organizing some papers. I even got Timothy to clean, which is good. Then at night I watched Heroes which was awesome as usual. The new (bad?) guy seems to have a new power every episode and I still haven't figured him out. Then there's Sylar, who's now taking over Matt's body- I completely didn't expect that at all and now I'm wondering what Sylar is going to do now that he has control over this guy's body. I'm just waiting for the real Sylar to come back and be all badass, and see him face off against the new bad guy. Anyway, enough ranting about that.

So today I do have some things to do. I'm planning on calling the cash assistance place since I didn't have a chance to yesterday, and I'm also going to get my glasses repaired today. (Which I need really badly.) I got to call and find out the information about my contacts yesterday so I'm glad that's done. Then I guess I'm going to read or try to write, but I really hate writing when I don't have my laptop and I still haven't received the enrollment papers in the mail. I hope I get them today.

My mood today is slightly better than yesterday, I guess. I'm still a bit down but I'm just trying to ignore it. So I'm going to try and keep myself busy so I don't think of things. I think maybe hanging out with a friend would help, maybe I should try to make some plans.

Okay, I think I'm going to go start my day now. I want to get fixing my glasses out of the way so I'll do that first. Then making some calls. And whatever else I can think of.

Thanks for reading, see you guys later!

Hey everyone.

Today I'm not feeling that well. Yesterday I had an anxiety attack which wasn't cool. I'm also having some problems obtaining my anti-anxiety medication which is not good because I need those so I can stay calm. I've been trying to get in touch with my pharmacy but they said that the medication wasn't refilled yet. And I have to take another one in about two hours. But yeah, I'm not going to work myself up. Nothing bad is going to happen.

My room is so hot right now and I'm not sure why. I even have my window open and yesterday I had a fan on. Oh well, if nothing can be done then there's no use worrying about it. Today I have to go bring my glasses to Lenscrafters so they can be fixed, and I also have to call about my contacts. (Which should be funny.)

I did just get one thing done, I called up my pharmacy and my doctors office about the medication so hopefully now they won't screw up. But I'm sure now I'm going to have to wait like four hours. For some reason I'm just really tired today, and it seems I can't have my mom drop off my glasses because I need to be there. I'd rather wait until I feel better and put up with my old glasses for now. It's not that I'm lazy it's just that I'm already feeling anxious and going out isn't going to help. Yes, I'm a hermit when I get all anxious.

I guess today I'm just going to try and keep my mind busy, so I'll probably play a game or play with my dog Gizmo. I'm not up for writing right now, I might be later though. I'm just going to relax and take things slow. I'll probably make some calls that I have to make so I can at least get something done that needs to be done. I'm going to call about my contacts after I'm done with this post and then try to call about cash assistance. And on that note, I'm still waiting for the enrollment papers for the direct deposit that I'm supposed to get. If I don't get that then my insurance is going to be put on hold and someone like me who's always getting medical attention and needs to pay for medication can't afford to lose insurance.

It seems that both my friend and I are feeling down. I'm not sure why either. Lately I have been feeling depressed; I haven't been taking any medication for it because I need to see a doctor for that and that means I have to make an appointment. But I've been holding off on that because oi thought that I could just ignore it. I was doing a good job of that but the more days go by the more I notice how depressed I am. But yeah, I'm not looking for pity I'm just letting this stuff out.

For now, I'm going to take my leave and try to get some things done. I'll try to post later if I don't fall asleep early.

Thanks for reading, I'm sorry it was all depressing and such.

Hi all.

Just woke up, it's 8:30 AM here. I got up to find out my glasses broke. Again. For like the 20th time. I'm known for breaking my glasses, so I knew it was a matter of time. Tomorrow I have to being them to Lenscrafters so they can fix them. Just seeing them broken irritates me though. -__-

Well my plans for today are probably not that exciting. My laptop is still out of comission so I can't write, and I'm too lazy to write my other story with my messy writing. Since my glasses are broken I don't think I'll be playing MUA2, so that leaves either keeping myself busy by cleaning or doing something else. Since I can see close without them, I should be able to play on my PSP. Maybe that will work out. Or I can do some reading. I just hope the people at Lenscrafters can fix them.

Well I just found my old glasses that are all taped up, so that should hold me for today at least. :] Also Timothy is trying to fix my laptop so I might be able to go on which would be awesome. That would mean I can WRITE!

As for my fishy, I thought I would update everyone. He is still alive and swimming! And he loves to sleep in this one spot near the top of the tank, the first time I saw him not moving I thought he was dead. That would have been sad. But he's actually really happy and just loves swimming around since he actually has room. I hate when people put Betta fish in these small bowls and expect the fish to be happy, they need at least 3-5 gallons so that they can be happy. But enough of my rant ^^;

And no more advertising for now. My friend ended her poll and the one I voted for won, so I'm glad about that. But if anything else comes up, I'll go back to my advertising. Anything to help a friend out!

I think that right now I'm going to get up and do something. I don't want to stay in bed all day. So time to either go make breakfast or read or something. I'll post later, hopefully from my laptop.

Thanks for reading! :]

Hello All!

It has been a few days. I haven't been able to post because my laptop is out of comission until I can get it fixed. The good thing is that I can still post through my cell phone, (which I just figured out how to do), so I can keep everyone updated on how life and other things are going.

Right now I'm waiting for Timothy to get home since he's out picking up food. I might play dominoes with my parents since it has been a long time since I've spent quality time with them. I ended up playing some MUA2 with Timothy today which was fun, although we only played for a few hours. We also watched a movie and then some episodes of this anime called Bleach that we both like to watch. (I finally got him to start watching anime with me which is awesome!) Tomorrow two more episodes are going to be coming out so I'm sure we'll be watching those too. I'm hoping that we have a good night and enjoy ourselves.

I haven't been able to write and I can't write until I get my laptop fixed. :'( It really sucks because I want to work on my story and now I can't. But that isn't going to stop me from writing. I do have one story that I didn't write completely on my laptop so I think I'll be working on that story for the time being. Then when my laptop is working, I'll go right back to my chapter. But for now I need something to do. I think other than writing I'll be reading some books and playing some video games. I don't want to get too involved in another story because then I would lose my focus.

Yesterday was fun. I went out with my red headed friend and her boyfriend on a double date for her boyfriend's birthday. (Though his birthday is actually today.) We went to a pizza place down my street and had fun. Family Guy was playing when we got there and we got a few laughs out of that, and afterwards when we went to my house we hung out in front of my house and talked for a while. Overall it was fun and I hope we can go on another double date soon! :]

Well I think I've written enough for now. I didn't want you guys to think that I'd abandoned blogging and I'm just letting you know know I'm alive.

Timothy just got home with the food so I'm going to leave now!

Thanks for reading everyone. :]

Good morning everyone! :]

I'm up early today, (7:31 AM) and ready to get some stuff done! First I have to finish cleaning, (I didn't do all of it yesterday), and then proceed to writing more for the next chapter. I remember mentioning a while back about trying to pick a title so I'm going to be brainstorming up some candidates today. And I also need to call that lady today, since she never called. It's going to be hard calling her since I don't know her name or extention but I guess that just makes things more interesting? (Don't worry, I'm just trying to convince myself that.)

Next thing is waiting to see if I got the application for the debit card thing in the mail. Because I need my money! (Just like everyone else- unless you're rich.) But for now I have to clean, clean, and clean some more. -_- I really dislike cleaning.

Tonight Timothy has bowling too, so that means he's not going to be home until late. :( But I guess I'll keep myself busy with all this stuff I have to do. And that's a lot of stuff. I also want to get at least two hours of gameplay in on Persona since I've been neglecting it. I'll do that way later, probably like 12 hours from now until Timothy gets home. I'm happy though because tonight is my chicken alfredo night, and that's always yummy, and when he gets here he said he's just going to spend time with me and not play any games, so good too! :) (Movie Night!!!)

*yawn* So tired. But I'm up so my day has already started. Time to go... clean.

And people I have a chatroom to the right that pops up in a small window, send me a shoutout or something! :)

Okay, off to get things done! Thanks for reading! (I <3 you ALL!)

Hello all!

I woke up tired today, even though I went to sleep relatively early yesterday. I didn't get to play MUA2 but I did get to watch Heroes with Timothy which was awesome. I love that show. (Sylar is the man! *fangirl*) And the story is getting interesting now. I can't wait for Sylar to get back to his old self so that he can cause havoc everywhere again.

On another note, I think I'm going to be writing today. I did finish another chapter which is good and now I'm starting on the next one. I'm going to have all day today so hopefully I'll get most of it done, then when I do get it done I can edit it and move on to another chapter. I hope I can keep up with my writing at this pace because if I do I'll have my story finished soon. =]

My pet betta Max is doing well, whenever I go up to the tank he'll swim up to me. And when I put my finger on the glass he'll follow it- he's really cute! And my puppy Gizmo saw him for the first time yesterday and he got scared like WTF is that thing. I put my puppy's face to the glass so he could see and ever since then he'll growl at Max from the floor because he knows that Max is up there. It's so funny. xD

I think my plans for today are:

1. Work on my chapter.
2. Wait for that call, or call that woman back.
3. Watch my fishy to make sure he doesn't get too near the heater.
4. Play with Gizmo and take him for a walk.
5. Maybe do some cleaning.
6. Play some Persona(?)
7. Write some more.
8. Sleep. ^-^

Haha, not much of a day but it's better than doing nothing!

As for now I'm texting my red headed friend, checking my Email and Facebook, and trying to get this post done so I can start on my chapter. But I think I'm just about done here, so I'll be going now. Oh no, wait, before I go, some advertising. Please go and vote on my friend's poll! It's easy and won't take long! Vote Here: The Red Head Thoughts

Okay, now I can go. I'll post later!

Thanks for reading! (Yes, I put this at the end of all my posts, I <3 all my readers!)

Hey ya'll!

I didn't get to write that much today, because I had to make that call about the money. And I got some good news! I am getting paid and they are going to send a debit card that I can use and withdraw all my money from. So that's awesome. Then I randomly got a call from the social security office and the woman I talked to was saying something about getting me an EBT card and cash assistance. She said she was going to call back but I think that the office is already closed by now so hopefully she will call back tomorrow. So that's some good news. And on that note, I'm also getting the water heater for my fishy Max so I can bring him into my room instead of keeping him upstairs. =]

I can't wait to watch Heroes at 9 PM tonight! Timothy said he would watch it with me so that makes me happy. I'm glad that we have little things like that which we do together. I think that since we're going to watch Heroes, we might play MUA2 and make a night out of it. I'm going to get some popcorn ready for Heroes and I have some brownies upstairs with milk that we can have. (By the way, I haven't forgotten about my diet, I've still been keeping to it.) Since I've been up all day and busy I think I'm going to be too tired to write, so I'll probably go to sleep around 12 AM. That's early for me. =P

As for other matters, I have a bit of advertising to do yet again. Please go vote on my red headed friend's poll, it will only take a minute. Literally. It's for her book title and you just need to pick the title that you think is the most appealing to you. That's it. So go vote! Here: The Red Head Thoughts

And now I don't have to advertise for myself, the link to my Email is to the right of this, along with a bunch of other new things that I added to my page. (I hope it looks better now. ^^; )

Well, I'm going to try and get some writing done before Timothy gets here, and this is my last post for the day. So I'll update tomorrow people!

And as always, Thanks for reading! <3

Hey everyone! =]

I did a bit of writing yesterday which was good, and I also got out of the house which was really good because I hardly ever go out. I went to Petsmart and got some fish supplies and a male blue (with streaks of red) Betta fish. I named him Maximus Verilius (don't ask) and he's really happy in his 3 gallon fish tank. He swims around all happily and dives all the time which I find funny. I just need to buy a water heater for the tank so I can move him to my room, because until then he has to stay upstairs where it's warmer. He's so cute though, my puppy is going to be jealous! =P

It's 10:38 AM right now, I've been up since 8 AM but Timothy and I were cleaning out the 3 gallon fish tank and putting Max in there. Then I made Timothy some breakfast and he went to work. Then I cleaned my room a bit and I need to vacuum and do some laundry. Then after that I plan on doing some writing and later since Timothy is going to play Call of Duty 4, I'm going to play Persona or maybe keep writing if I'm not mentally exhausted by then.

My puppy is laying on my thigh right now since I'm laying on my bed sideways typing on my laptop. He snuck up here because I didn't even notice him until now. He's like a ninja >.>

I have to make a call today, which I think I'll do right after this. It's about the money that I might have at the collection place. Hopefully I'll have some money, I really do need it since I don't have any source of income. But I think I'll be leaving now, I have a bunch of things to do and not enought hours in the day to do them. I'll try to post again later, hopefully with some good news!

Thanks for reading! :]

7:34 AM right now. Timothy is knocked out. He left me two post-it notes on which he wrote "please don't wake me up until 11 AM, I went to sleep at 5:40 AM" which was just about two hours ago. I think it's funny that he left me two notes, you know, to make sure that I absolutely did not wake him up. So funny, Timmy. =P

So until 11 AM I'm thinking about getting some writing done, because I know that once I wake him up we'll be playing MUA2 again which I'm addicted to. Gambit, Wolverine, and Storm are my 3 main people that I love to use. That and Deadpool but Timothy claimed him. -_- Anyway, enough talk about games, I need to get to my writing right after I finish this. So my plans pretty much for today are: write until 11 AM, wake Timothy up, maybe get some breakfast, play MAU2, and since Timothy can't stay up late because of work I'll probably write afterwards. Sounds like a plan, right?

Now, I do need to advertise again for my red headed friend, since she needs some votes on her poll. Please go check out her blog, voting will only take just a moment of your time. And if you do I'll give you a cookie! Here's the link to her blog: The Red Head Thoughts Thank you for helping! =]

Now, I'm going to leave and take this chance to write! I'll try to post later and remember if anyone is interested in reading my chapters please leave a comment here or contact me at vampire_savior120@hotmail.com I'll be glad to send you a chapter if you'd like!

So now I'll take my leave, and people, please try to vote and contact me if you're interested!

As always, Thanks for reading!

Cold... It is so freezing in my room right now!

This morning I made some breakfast for Timothy and myself, and my mom who was randomly up early. It was pretty good and I actually made coffee that he liked, (he said it was better than my mother's, which he LOVES), so I was really happy about that. It seems I've mastered the coffee for him. xD

After that I took a nap with him and then he went to go buy Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 which we have been playing all day. I'm loving the game just because of the fact that we're spending time together and having fun. I always love games that are Co-op so that we can both play. So I finally got a day where I got him all to myself and now I'm satisfied. He ran off to the liquor store to replenish my dad's supply of alcohol so I'm writing this post now while he is gone. He'll probably drink a bit today but that's alright since he hasn't had a Saturday off in a long time.

But seriously, it is so cold in my room right now I have three layers of clothes on. Then there are the people that my dad hangs out with who are here and they are pretty annoying because they blast music in the room right next to us. -__- I feel like letting my dog loose so that they'll retreat into the garage.

As for writing, since I was having so much fun for once with Timothy, I've postponed it until tomorrow, if not, then Monday I will definitely be writing again. ^-^

And I got some good news today. It seems I have some money that I didn't know about and I'll be able to inquire about it on Monday. So that means I'm going to have some extra money, I hope. And that would be wicked awesome so that I can pay my medical bills and such off. :D

But yeah, I'll be heading off now, Timothy is going to be back soon. So back to the game I go. I'm glad that today went by really well.

Until next time, Sayonara! (Thanks for reading!!)

I'm still tired even though I slept the whole night. I woke up to an E-mail from my friend containing a bunch of websites that are really useful. I checked most of them out but still have some more to look at.

I'm going to be writing today, but I also have to clean today as well. Chores. -__- But they must be done because the longer I wait the messier my room will be. I think I'll write after I finish all of my chores, because if I start writing now I'll get all into it and then forget about doing my cleaning and stuff. But the good thing is that I am going be be writing at one point today because I know that Timothy is going to be playing MAG so that gives me time to do what I want to do. I'm hoping that the cleaning passes by quickly so that I can start writing that chapter.

I'm a little mad because I cheated a bit on my diet, but that's because Timothy bought some breakfast so I wasn't going to say no and waste food. But I'm going to do good the rest of the day. And I think I'll run up and down the stairs like 20 times so I can get in some form of exercise.

Sounds like a plan to me. =]

I think I'm going to get going now, must get started. I'll blog later if I'm not too busy writing my chapter. (I have a lot of ideas right now so I want to hurry up and write them down)

See you guys, and like always, thanks for reading! xD

(P.S.- If anyone has any suggestions about other things I can put on my page, please share. I'm not sure what else to put on here so any ideas are welcome ^^)

Hello again! =]

I am in a better mood, which is good. I didn't do much today, I think mostly because of the cold and that made me very lazy. I've been helping out my red headed friend, giving her opinions about titles for her story. I also asked her about her opinion on whether or not I should post my chapters for my story on my blog. I've decided that I'm not going to because you never know who is going to read it or who might steal your ideas and things like that. It's not that I don't trust the internet at all, I just want to be cautious because I do want to one day have a book published. It might not be this one or even one of my other ones. Maybe I haven't even thought about it yet. But I don't want there to be a chance of someone else taking my ideas and using them as their own. But I will however make exceptions to people who show an interest in my writing. If you leave a comment or whatever, showing that you would like to read my story, then I would consider it and make it an E-mail type of deal where I would send chapters there. So leave a comment if you want!! =]

Right now though this post is half for me and half for my red headed friend Steph. She's like me, she loves to write and is serious about becoming an author. So if you could check her blog out that would be very cool of you! Here is the link, please check it out and vote on her poll!: The Red Head Thoughts

As for other business, I'm kind of dissappointed that I didn't accomplish much today. But there is always tomorrow. I must call for the therapist. That and keep up with my diet. And I definitely need to start walking. Later on I will read something, maybe not even manga this time. Just a regular book sounds good to me for tonight. And I have this LED booklight that I've been itching to use.

First though I'm going to spend some time with Timothy, finally. =] He promised me no game today and that we would watch a movie together. Not sure which movie yet but that will be decided when he gets home from work. So that makes me happy. I can't wait for him to get home so I can make some popcorn and  brew up some hot chocolate before he goes to sleep. I will probably be staying up like always.

No Persona today, I'm taking a small break from that game because I need to focus on other things. After reading I think I am going to write chapter 7 for my story. I'm also going to think of titles for my story that will reflect on the plot. So I have a lot of thinking and brainstorming to do later. I think I'm going to be up all night anyway so at least I'll have time.

When my mind gets tired of thinking and writing I'll stop brainstorming, because I know better than to write when I'm mentally tired. The work just won't come out good. I found this awesome series of questions that helps define your characters, I've been filling it out for all of my characters. It asks general questions like age, hair color, and eye color, but it also asks deep questions about the past of the character, what the character is afraid of, his/her biggest fear. I want to fill this out for all of my main characters and side characters for the current story I am working on. I find it to be a great help and it makes me remember to keep my characters "in character", if that makes any sense.

But I've written enough for this post now.. ( I always write long posts! >.>) and I will update later like always.

Oh yeah, if you're interested in reading my chapters thus far, please contact me at: vampire_savior120@hotmail.com

Well, I'm off to go do something else now that I've updated my blog! (Good luck Steph, I'm your #1 Fan!)

Farewell, and thanks for reading! xD

I'm staying under the covers for a little bit longer today before I get up. It's freezing this morning.

Yesterday was okay. I'm kind of mad still because he went on his game and just left me sleeping. I don't even consider yesterday spending time with him. That's why I'm mad. Sure, the Olive Garden was good but after that we did nothing else together. I just get mad when he plays that game because he talks to that "idiot", someone I hate that he knows I hate. And since they're on the phone obviously I can hear that guy's voice so it just gets me angry. The next time it happens I'm leaving the room because apparently Timothy still doesn't understand how much I hate that guy.

Well whatever, I can't dwell on these things. I just get pissed off because it's been EVERYDAY. And I don't want to be mad everyday. Because that won't get us anywhere except for another fight. And I'm tired of those too.

I think I'm just going to go make myself some hot chocolate or something. Then reading over my two stories and deciding whether or not I want to post chapter one yet. After that I think I'll just do some general reading and maybe playing Persona. I have to at least keep myself busy because then at least I won't be thinking of other things. And if I don't do stuff I'll feel like hibernating too.

See you guys later. Thanks for reading!

Well I read and I wrote today which is awesome. I'm also doing well on that diet. I have to start walking though.

I'm really happy today though, instead of going bowling Timothy is skipping that and coming home to spend time with me. And I didn't even ask him to which is also pretty awesome. I think he might have gotten the hint yesterday when I was kind of giving him an annoyed stare. But the thing that kind of got me mad again is that he wants to play that game again tonight. One good thing is that he's bringing home some Olive Garden, which I LOVE, so that makes everything better. =P

I'm dissapointed that I didn't do much today but I'll make up for it tomorrow. It's not like I didn't do anything at all, I did write and I read a lot of Manga, which is better than sleeping all day. I also haven't really slept yet so I'm feeling like a zombie right now.

Just waiting for my Timothy to get home =]

Short post this time, thanks for reading! xD

Well, I did do some things today. I did good on the dieting, and I have made a decision on what stories I'm going to focus on. I want to expand my Shira, Seth, and Raiden story, so that one will be my main priority. But when I can't focus clearly on that one I want to work on my Good/bad Kings story as well. I couldn't pick just one so this is the best solution I could come up with. Well I guess it works out because when I decide to post, and it ends up that some people don't like it then I always will have my other story that I will be working on.

I played some Persona today, got to another cutscene, and now I'm lost as to where to go. I'm pretty sure I have to go to the top floor of someplace but then the elevator I go in will bring me to 5 different floors so I'm not sure if I should check them out or just go straight to the destination. I just don't want to waste my healing items and such on minor enemies if I'm going to have to fight a boss which I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to.

Other than Persona, I read some Manga, (Japanese comics), and wrote a little more on my S-S-R story. Tomorrow I will try to devote more time to it because today I was exhausted and I know better than to try and write something good when I'm tired. So when I'm all rejuvenated and such I will get back to working on it.

I didn't call about the therapy today, but I will soon. I just need to think of what I'm going to say to them since it was me who just dissappeared and stopped going to the sessions. So a part of me is scared to call but I know I have to so I will. I just need to get mentally prepared in case they "reprimand" me for not going. I hate being yelled at. But I will try to get that done tomorrow.

As for going out I was way too tired and from what I could tell my friend was busy with her own problems so I wouldn't want to intrude. Tomorrow though, I will text her and find out when we can hang out so that I'll have an exact day planned. Hopefully she won't be too busy. ^^;

Anyway, right now I just woke up from a nap and I'm a bit on the cranky side. Mostly because I've realized something. I can understand that my boyfriend works all day and when he comes home just wants to relax but since he got the demo for MAG (a PS3 game) it seems like that's what he's planning to do for the next 3 months. Come home, play from 8 PM to 12 AM, then go to sleep. And then if I try to bring it up it ends up in a fight. But it's not really fair that I don't get to spend time with him. Especially when he's devoting his time to his game. Not to mention every Wednesday (which happens to be tomorrow) he goes out bowling and comes home late so tell me people is that fair? After all we're in a relationship and sleeping in the same bed doesn't count as spending time together. But I'm not sure how to bring it up, because we've had this problem before and my attitude at the end of it was just whatever do what you want. When obviously that isn't the case. I don't own him or anything so obviously he's going to do what he wants. But I don't want to be in a relationship in which we hardly spend time together because I have my needs too.

Enough of that though, I'm getting myself worked up over something that isn't going to change.

I'm going to go now people, probably to either play Persona or read a book. Not in the writing mood right now, unfortunately.

Goodnight everyone and if you read this post thanks for putting up with my rant! (Sorry about that btw) And I will be back tomorrow, hopefully in a better mood.

Well here I am up at 6AM, early as usual. Today I'm planning to work on my story/stories. I have the whole day ahead of me so I have plenty of time to do what I want. That's if I don't fall asleep ^^; I just tried to get in touch with my cousin because I know that she has the game Persona and I wanted to ask her some questions about it. But it seems I can't get in touch with her, she is probably getting ready for school.

I said I was going to make a To-Do List and I'm going to write it down now. Maybe if I think of anything else I'll add it in another post or edit this one. I'm going to try and sort these by priority but if I think of something to write down that's out of place I'm just going to add it anyway.

My To-Do List:

1. Get back into my therapy sessions that I stopped going to-- I am someone who has some psychological issues and I've been neglecting getting help because I felt like it was not working. But I need to try again because doing nothing about it is worse. Then I also need to update my medications that I've been taking because I haven't had an evaluation in a while and I need a new antidepressant that works.

2. Pick one story and focus on getting it done-- I have been actively writing I just need to pick a story and stick to it. Based on my story descriptions, if anyone would like to share an idea of which story I should work on I'm open to ideas. I'm leaning more towards my Shira, Seth, and Raiden story. Or my story about the evil/good Kings.

3. Work on trying to reapply for disability OR try getting a job online-- Actually, maybe both at the same time is better since applying for disability takes a long time. But I do need a source of income and I need to try and do something instead of lazying about not taking any action.

4. Try to get all my medical bills paid and re-open my bank account-- That's for obvious reasons. Not paying bills will result in bad credit, which I don't want to have at a young age since I would one day like to own a house. Then opening a bank account so that I can save money is always good, since I'm trying to prepare for the future.

5. Stop being lazy and try to go on walks or get at least 20 minutes of exercise in daily-- I have a goal to lose some pounds and I won't get anywhere if I just stay in bed all day. I was thinking that I could achieve this by walking my dog Gizmo everyday or talking a walk with my mother at the park. Even both would be better. And if I don't want to go outside just maybe dancing to music will do something. Although I'm thinking of buying a Tae-bo video because I did one once and I thought it was fun. Also, drinking more water and eating less meat will help with this.

6. Try to go out more-- hanging out with either Steph or my cousin Jessy (when she's available) would help me out. Usually I'm in my room all day and I think it would be good to get some fresh air and keep in touch with the people that I care about. After all staying alone at home will only distance me from these people and that is something I don't want to happen.

7. Spend more time with family-- Timothy and I both need to do this, since we both have a lot of family that we don't keep in touch with. I know that he would like to spend more time with his Mama Ana, a very nice person that I had the chance to meet on her birthday celebration. I want to keep in touch with my Godparents who live in Florida, which is hard but I know I can write a letter. I'm just not sure about calling since I don't know if my phone will charge me for long distance. Them and my Aunt and Uncle that live about 10 minutes away. They are pretty cool too and I feel like I don't spend time with them like I should.

Things I can do immediately:

• Call about getting back into therapy- because all I need to do is make a call and schedule an appointment. 
• Pick a story- which I'll probably have to choose on my own if I don't get any feedback. 
• Try to go out more- which I hope will be easy, I can try to hang out with Steph if she's not busy. 
• Start eating healthier- I can do this since I have the right things at hand, like water, salad, and fruits.
  

Things that I need to wait for:

• Applying for disability/finding a job- this is because applying for anything takes time, and disability may reject me again which means I would have to reapply. Finding a job is just hard because of the economy and it will also be time consuming. 
• Paying bills/opening bank account- can't do this without money, and I hardly have anything at all. I'm lucky that my mother and Timothy try to help me when they can. Opening a bank account would require me either obtaining disability or getting a job so that is going to take a while. 
• Exercise- this will be hard for me because I'm lazy and I get anxious when I go out alone. I think I would rather buy a Tae-bo DVD and do it that way, but I need money first. (but the minute I get a DVD I will put this on the other list!!)
  
• Spend time with family- this shouldn't be too hard; I just need to find out when they are available, involving my parents would probably make this easier to do.

So that's my list! I shared it with Timothy and he said it was a good one, which makes me happy. I want to try and do all of these things but I'm not going to rush into anything and set myself up for failure. I want to take my time and make sure everything gets done. By the end of today I will pick which story I want to work on. And I have to make sure that I'm not biased with my decision. I have to think logically too, and pick a story that I believe people would be interested in reading. So I'll probably be fighting with myself for a bit. I might end up narrowing it down to two stories, making one my priority and the second story the one I'll work on when I have some free time.

But, now I've made my list and I'm going to try hard to make sure I do everything on it! =]

Thanks for listening! (This was a really long post, I'm sorry people!)

 Mornin'!

Up at 7 AM this time and ready to go upstairs and make some breakfast. Today I'm not working on my stories, since it's Timothy's last day off and I just want to spend time with him. Most likely some movies again and just spending time together.

Tomorrow though, I plan on writing or reading or at least getting something done. And I forgot that I was supposed to write down my plans on what I want to do. That is my next priority but right now I just woke up and I'm not exactly in the right mood to think of things like that. I need to wake up a bit more.

I'm happy that I've been (for the most part) keeping up with this blog and writing daily. If I can do this everyday then getting other things done daily should be easier. As long as I have the motivation I can do it, and I'm trying to get some motivation because I've been lacking in that department lately. But... the good thing is that my friend Steph has made a "goal statement" which lays out everything she wants to accomplish and by what date, etc. I'm rooting for her because she wants to be a published author and I'm sure she can do it. So good luck, Steph, if you read this! I'm your #1 Fan!

7:18 AM now and I'm hungry so I want to go make some breakfast and get something in my system. Hopefully I'll blog later if I have time. =]

Like always, thanks for reading!
(ideas/suggestions?)

Up early even though I was awake for a while last night! Working on my story with Shira, Seth, and Raiden since I'm in the mood for it. I'm not sure what I'm up to today, but I probably won't be working on my story for long since I'm going to spend time with Timothy. Most likely watching a movie with some popcorn, maybe playing a game, otherwise I'll cheer for him from the sidelines while he plays Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare. I'm just looking forward to spending time with him since he works 12 hour days so I don't see him as much as I would like. But that makes spending time with him all the better! =]

As I'm writing this Scooby-Doo is playing in the background, it's one of the Halloween movies that I've seen a dozen times. And going back to yesterday, I did get to play Persona and it was worth the hundred random battles to get to the cutscene. It seems like the story is getting interesting now. It was good before, what with the hospital just randomly being attacked and not being able to escape the town, but it's better now that one of the character's who had been sick at the hospital is up and running, ready to fight alongside the other characters. So pretty good so far. Any way I don't want to give the story away, but I do suggest Persona as a game to get if you're into classic RPG's and have a PSP.

Well, I'm off now, since I'm hungry and I'm going to make some breakfast. Then back to writing until Timothy wakes up. When I post again, I'd like to make a list of some things I'd like to do soon. I think it would give me more motivation if I wrote it down. Soo, off to start the day!

Thanks for reading! =]
(Again, suggestions/ideas welcome!)

The good news is that I did get to edit some chapters from my story. I'm almost ready to post a chapter or two soon. Bad news is that I would like to write some more before doing that. So there will be some waiting before I decide everything is good enough.

Right now I'm watching Underworld: Rise of the Lycans which is almost at the end, then I think I might watch Enemy of the State with Will Smith. Just because it's been a very long time since I've seen that movie. I didn't get to spend much time with Timothy today mostly because I was on the computer and then I took a nap but I still have tomorrow and Monday.

Other than that I'm in a pretty good mood unlike earlier today =] Maybe I'll go on my PS3 and this time and not sign onto my PSNetwork account. Or go on my PSP and play Persona. I began playing that game about 5 days ago and forgot to pick it back up and continue playing. ^^; It's a good game but the only thing that bothers me it that there are so many random battles. I'll take one step and the battle music will come on and I'll be all WTF again! and I think that's why I put down the game the first time. Had to take a break. But I think since I can't sleep and I have some time to kill I'll go back to that game.

So, on that note, off to watching Enemy of the State since the other movie finished, then playing Persona, then if I'm up for it adding onto my story.

And, like always, if anyone has suggestions for my stories feel free to share. Thanks for reading and goodnight to the people who are up at this time like me! xP

Well, good morning everyone! =]

I woke up today and went on my PS3 to just play games and not have to think much about anything. Ends up I get into a discussion with my friend about what life is and what happens after death. I wasn't really sure what to say. I think that life is just a series of events and experiences that end up in death. After death I'm not sure what happens. I'm not religious so I don't believe in a heaven or hell, I just think those are thoughts that are engraved into peoples minds to make them more at ease about dying. But yeah, I'm not trying to convince anyone of anything or force my beliefs onto anyone. And I don't mean to offend anyone.

Then there was the talk about ghosts. Whether they are real or not. Honestly, I'm not so sure. But there are so many accounts of people seeing them that it's hard to just say that everyone is hallucinating or "seeing things". I've never seen a ghost myself but there are so many people that have. So I guess I do believe but don't at the same time. I think I'd have to see it to believe it but I'm not exactly up for seeing a ghost. Then comes the next question, if there are such things as ghosts does that mean that something does happen after death? Not a question I feel like getting into.

Anyway. I don't think I'm going to be able to concentrate on writing today. Too much discussion about depressing things. Sooo yeah. I'm off to listening to some music and maybe reading a book. And hopefully spending some time with my boyfriend Timothy motherfucking Szyp. :)

Busy weekend!! Like always. And it's a long weekend so I'm pumped up since Timothy has Monday off. (His job sucks and he hardly gets any holidays off).

ALSO, if anyone has any theories or thoughts on what I talked about feel free to share. I'm an open minded person. Or, any story suggestions or ideas for my stories are welcome. Again, Thanks for listening and I'll try to post again later!

 Good Morning!

Wow, I woke up so tired this morning. It's 8:23 A.M. but I've been up since around 5 A.M. Pretty common for me lately to be getting up that early. Hopefully my activities today will include editing chapters to at least two of my stories. Then a nap in the middle of the day, and possibly playing some games on my PS3. I'm so happy it's Friday, because I'm really excited for the long weekend. I'm expecting to get some work done on my stories.

Other than that, life has been pretty boring. I'm still not sure what I'm doing but I guess I'll figure that out with time. I'm not going to worry about it now, I have a lot of things that I have to work out before I can do anything at all. I just need a bunch of things to change in my life but I need to take the steps so that the change can begin. But enough of that, I'd like to keep things in a positive mood!

Right now I'm too lazy to write down the information on stories 4-6. I will later though. Right now I'm just going to read over my chapters and change what needs to be changed. Then when I feel like it's good enough I'll post chapter one of the story that I'm going to focus on.

Well, off to reading and editing. I'll post later and provide some updates! =]

Thanks for reading!