Craziness xD

But it's alright, hopefully the medicine I took will help.

Otherwise I'm actually really happy. I found a CD that had all of my stories in it, and it was a CD I'd forgotten about so I was wicked happy when I found it. I now have it in my flashdrive too and I am planning on getting started on writing again! So I'm happy that now I can write again and resume where I left off.

Other than that I've been good when it comes to my ansiety. I've gone out a lot the past Sunday. To stores, and on Thanksgiving I could control my anxiety even though 'they' were there. So I think I'm doing good. I don't want to jinx it though. On the 3rd I have to go for a check-up then on the 8th I have to meet my old therapist again. And start new treatment. I'm hoping by then my insurance will kick in, because if it doesn't I have to call my therapist back and tell her I don't have insurance anymore. I just hope I have it by then, it would help me out a lot since I have prescriptions I have to pick up and I can't pay for them.

Well, enough of that. My headache seems to be getting a little better. I think today I'm going to write, read, go on PSHome, and do my other regular activities. I'm glad to be back on schedule, and I'm glad I'm not taking those addictive pills anymore! I still have to ween off of them, but I'm now taking another pill for my anxiety instead. Which I only take when I'm anxious, so I skip some of them which is good. So yeah, that's enough pill talk.

I think I'm done with this update. I don't think I forgot anything. Well, I want to go to my friend's house but I don't need to put that here. (Even though I just did.) Okay, I'm off to get my day started, even though it's past 12 PM now haha.

Thanks for reading! :D

Well first, the song I'm obsessed with. There for Tomorrow- "A little faster." The Song I'm Obsessed With Right Now

Now, on to other things. I did get to get back to sleep. Actually within five minutes of getting off my computer I K.O.ed. I'm up now but unhappy. Tim is going to a party and I'm not going because my sibling and her asshole of a "fiance" are going to be there, and I'm not up for the drama. I hate both of them, I don't care what anyone says. If people knew what they did they would understand. Until then, all I'm going to hear is "Oh, why do you hate your sister, she's FAMILY." And what I say to that is fuck that, I can choose my own family. I have friends that are better sister's than her. I don't need HER at all. After all the shit she's pulled, and she's the type that doesn't apologize for anything she's done. So it's basically an end to the "relationship" we had there, unless she wisens up, which I doubt will happen.

Sorry for all the cussing. I'm a little angry right now. I'm not changing anything I said though.

So yeah, my Tim is going to his godmother's house for a party, and I'm staying home. I still haven't met his godmother, and I would like to. I'm not going to make drama for him and I don't want him to see me unhappy because then he won't enjoy himself. And I don't want that because then there would be no point in him going if he's thinking about how depressed I am at home. So I'm just going to keep myself busy as always. With whatever means I have. I think I'll go on PSHome. And just chat with random people. That would probably help. Everytime I go on there the time passes quickly. So I think that's what I'll do.

Now, off I go to start my day. Text me if you know me. Send me an email if you want to talk that way and don't know me personally. For people with a PS3, my PSN is Crimson_Chain, send me a message and add me.

Done.

Thanks for reading, and have a nice day!

I can't sleep right now. I woke up in a panic because I had a bad dream. I'm not sure what the dream was, but I know I don't remember it. It's weird but I can't go back to sleep because of it. I have to stay up because when I lay down I feel my boody tense up. But enough of that, I don't want to think about it anymore.

Today is Sunday, and Timothy is going to his Godmother's house for a party that I don't know how long is going to take. I'm not sure what I feel like doing today. Maybe some more reading, or maybe I'll write a little bit. Or a videogame, online, and sleeping might work. I don't know. It's still way too early for me to be up. Maybe I'll take an Ambien and sleep that way. But I hate taking pills if I can help taking them.

I feel like I've been doing good with my anxiety. The anxiety I'm having now. I have this stuffy nose that's pretty irritating. Maybe I'll blow my nose and see if it goes away. I need my nose so I can breathe. I'm looking forward to my red headed friend completing another chapter, especially since she has been on a roll and wrote two chapters each of the last two days. So I'm proud of her. And I'm glad she's sending me the chapters to read. Maybe today she'll be able to do the same thing.

I'm so tired, but I can't sleep. This is annoying. I think I'll read a book and maybe I'll fall asleep that way. I'm going to try though. I don't want to be up right now.

So on that note, I'll take my leave. Good Morning everyone and also Goodnight since I'm going to sleep.

Thanks for reading!

Well I was busy today. I was home all day and had all this time to myself. I cleaned, read, played some videogames, and read some manga. And I was basically on Twitter and Facebook all day. I posted a bunch of photo's from vacations that I had and it took a very long time to sort them out. Then Facebook decided it didn't want to cooperate with me so I had to figure out how to put my pictures in. It was a bit irritating but it definitely kept me busy.

This is going to be a short update, since it's late and I'm going to read a bit before I head to sleep. I had a really busy day which was alright. I didn't need to take my extra anxiety pills which I think is awesome. And after I read I'm going to drift off to sleep. So that's all I have to say. Goodnight everyone. And thanks for reading!

Well I just woke up from a good night's rest ehich hardly ever happens so I'm happy about that. Timothy works today, until 2, so I don't know what I'm going to do yet.

My ride isn't pulling through to drop me off at my friend's house, so I'm sad about that. I had told her I was going to go over her house but I really don't have a ride and going on a bus would give me a straight up anxiety attack. I feel really bad about it, and if she reads this I want her to know I'm sorry because I know this weeks was the only chance I could visit you since you're going back to college. :(

I guess since I'm not going over there I should at least make some plans. They will be similar to what I did yesterday. I'll probably play a videogame, read, and try to write. I just haven't been in the writing mood lately. I need to get back into it but I'm still depressed over losing all my hours of typing because it wasn't in my flashdrive. (Which I swore it was). But there's nothing I can do except retype, and I'm just not up for it. I don't want to redo everything I just did. But I will have to eventually. Not today though.

I'm going to take a hot shower and then get to starting my day. I'll make some coffee for Timothy and make him a lunch to bring to work. Since I like doing that for him. Well, off to do whatever.

Sorry this was a lame update, but thanks for reading! :)

And if you can, please click on the ads I have to the right and leave me a comment in the Yaplet pop-up chatroom, it's awesome!

To put it lightly, I'm a bit pissed off. I was supposed to go to my friend's house today but my mother decided to go out for Black Friday and go shopping. I didn't even know she was going to do that and she had already known I had plans. She said she's doing all the Christmas shopping today and I know that's going to take her FOREVER. So I know that I'm not going to be able to make it to her house. And that makes me angry because I had already made arrangements with her and I absolutely hate to break arrangements because I hate when people do that to me. And I know that I'm not going to be able to go, so this sucks. I think I'll ask her what she's doing tomorrow and hopefully she won't be busy so I can at least visit her for a little bit.

On another note, I got a new game. Uncharted 2: Among Theives. It's  a really awesome game and I've been playing it while my mother is out. That and I've been reading. I'm not sure what I want to do now, I'm getting tired and I'm a little hungry so maybe I'll go eat or something.

I'm still mad. I'm going to have a talk with my mother when she gets back.

Now I'm off. Laters.

Black is my favorite color! :D

Just thought I'd add that in here.

So now to what I was going to say. I think I might try going to GameStop today to buy a game. But if it's too crowded I'll just go tomorrow. I don't have the patience to wait for a long time just to get the one game that I want.

Other than that I think I'm going to devote this day to reading my two new books that I bought, since I just put them in my shelf and didn't start them. So I'm going to do that today. And if I finish reading them early, which I most likely will since I read fast, I'll start writing. I've just been staying away from writing ever since I found out my flashdrive didn't have all the stories that I typed. So I'm pretty pissed about that. And the only way to retrieve them is from my laptop that I had before this, but that one is out of comission until they fix the inside of it. Then I can get all those hours of typing back. And be happy.

On another note, the game I'm planning on buying is Left For Dead 2, which is a zombie survival game that is co-op so I can play it with Timothy. So that's the main reason I want it. That and I love that genre of games. So hopefully I'll be able to get it today. Then we can play! :D And if we beat it before a week ends we can trade it for another game which would be cool.

Well, I think I've typed what I wanted to type. Maybe I'll go on PSHome today. My PSN is Crimson_Chain if anyone wants to add me. Just make sure you mention that you got my PSN from my blog, otherwise I'll be all WTF is this? So yeah, add me if you want to.

Now off to do some reading, then if I have time do the other things I said.

Thanks for reading! :)

So I had to see my sibling today when I went to my Aunt's house for Thanksgiving dinner. I didn't expect her to be there and it startled me when she was there with her "fiance". That just put me in an awful mood and I didn't acknowledge them at all. I just held my head high and did what I wanted. And I got to see my neices again, so that's good. This time the older one ran up to me and gave me a hug, and that made me feel so much better. It was worth putting up with them so I could see the kids.

On another note, the dinner was awesome. I had potato salad, rice, meatballs, some stuffing mixture, and other things. I didn't have turkey, because I don't like it. I always found that funny. I think I don't like it because it's too dry. Or something. But back to what I was saying- the food was good. I had some cake afterwards with this white frosting that was delicious. I still have two pieces left that I brought home with me.

Well, Tim is sleeping and I'm about to join him. So goodnight to everyone and I hope everyone had a pleasant Thanksgiving. As always, thank you for reading. :)

Well today I woke up pretty early. Around 6 A.M. and I didn't go back to sleep. I'm waiting for Timothy to wake up so that I can start getting ready. Which is right about now, since the alarm just rang and scared the hell out of me. I'm fine now though, but it definitely startled me.

Today I'm planning on going to my Aunt's house for Thanksgiving which should be at least interesting. I don't really feel comfortable whenever I visit my family because I'm not exactly a people person so I don't socialize with them. That and I know Timothy is most likely going to be uncomfortable since he doesn't know anyone there. So I'm just hoping that the visit goes well and that we'll be able to leave early. I just want to relax at home with Timothy and watch some movies or something. But my mother is pressuring us to make an appearance so I have to at least do thata for her.

I'm watching some TV now, since Timothy just pressed snooze and went back to sleep. I think I'm going to go soon though. And I hope everyone does have a happy day today with their families or loved ones. I'm not sure what I'm thankful for, but what is everyone else thankful for? Love, friends, family? There are a lot of things to be thankful for.

Well, I'm off now. Time to get ready for this long day. And thank you for reading, like always. :)

Well my morning is starting out well. I'm watching the sunrise from my new TV that I love because it's huge and I don't need to sit close up to it like other TV's. (I have bad eyesight.) It's pretty soothing to hear all the morning sounds and the birds chirping. I think I might go on this channel more in the morning.

So my plans for today consist of writing and more writing. Then reading one of two new books that I bought. I also need to figure out what I'm going to get my mother and father for Christmas. My father should be easy though, I'll just get him an alcoholic drink for his bar. My mother is more difficult because she never gives anyone a clue of what she wants so I always have doubts about what I give her. But it should all work out. I already got Timothy his present and he was happy. Very happy in fact so that makes me happy too.

I think I might also clean up my room a bit and do some dusting and all that. My room was messy when I got back and I almost had an OCD moment where I was about to clean up everything in sight. But I held off until today and I'm going to make sure this room is clean. I think I'll do laundry too. So I have a busy day ahead of me which is good because I like to keep myself busy.

I am also hoping to get some brownies from my red headed friend today, if not that's okay too. I don't like to bother people about things so if she does send me brownies that would be cool. I've been craving some brownies lately.

I made plans to go to my other friend's house on Friday since she's only here for a week and it's basically my only chance to visit her. I think we'll have fun. I just need to hear back from her today and see if her mother will allow me to visit. After that I'm hoping to go and visit my red headed friend if she's not busy and won'y mind me coming over. I miss my friends and I want to visit them.

Well, I think I've rambled enough so I'll stop here. As always, thank you for reading and I hope you come back. Maybe even follow me? *hint hint* ^^:

I'll update later! :)

Well, in case anyone was wondering where I was, I was at the hospital and had to stay as an inpatient which wasn't fun at all. On top of that, when I went to the hospital I had to wait seven days before I could even get a bed. It sucked royally but what could I do? So I was in the hallway of the hospital for seven days and then I went upstairs to a psych ward. (Trust me, I was glad to be out of that hallway.) I could walk around, and I met some interesting people there as well. As for the reason I was there I won't get into specifics but I will say that it was because of my anxiety and depression.

I have plans to go see a therapist on the 8th of December. And that should be good for me because I am in dire need of some help. So hopefuly it will go smoothly since I have the same therapist that I had before my insurance was cut off. I need to find the papers that I came home with so that I can write down a reminder of when I am going to see my primary care physician. (which should also be tons of fun.) So I guess those are my plans for the next few weeks.

On another note, I bought a 32" flatscreen TV for Tim and I bought myself this laptop that I am writing from right now. I love this laptop. The only thing that sucks is that somehow my stories won't show up on my flashdrive so I can't upload anything to this laptop. So that means I can't write. Well, I think I could actually. I'll write one of the stories that I just started and continue on that one until I can retrieve my stories from the other laptop. Then it will be back to my regular schedule.

So I guess I've said what I want to say. I hope you guys can come back and read my blog, I know I've been gone a long time. So thanks for reading!

I can't remember the name of the song that's in my title. Or the artist. This song has been stuck in my head all night. I just finished watching The Mighty Boosh on Adult Swim. It's a show that I haven't seen before and it was pretty weird but funny at the same time. That and the main character is cute. :)

I was getting angry earlier because the internet on my cell was deciding to be slow and not work with me. But now it's working so I'm happy. That's the only thing I'm happy about though. I don't remember when or how but I messed up my sleeping schedule and now I'm nocturnal. The good thing I guess is that I've been sleeping. The bad thing is that I keep sleeping all day, which is not good. I need to fix it. I think I fixed my sleeping pattern last time this happened by forcing myself to stay up when I got sleepy during the day and then falling asleep at night. But doing that is hard because it involves me staying up twenty-four hours and I'm already tired now. Eh, enough complaining.

For the last few days I've been thinking about going to the hospital. For two reasons. I've been feeling anxious and depressed and I'm not taking anything for it other than my Xanax which doesn't seem to help as much anymore. So I need my medication to be regulated again. Then there's the issue of me not having insurance and from what I was told I need to go to the hospital and ask for free care. I'm not sure what I'm going to do but if I don't blog for a while you'll know where I am and why. I won't think about it now, I don't want to cause myself unecessary stress.

I have to stay up another two hours so I can take my pill. Then I'm going to try and stay up but I don't think that is going to happen today, I'm so tired I could pass out.

I'm so tired. Well, I'm going to stop typing now and go do something to keep myself busy.

I'll try to post later if I can. Thanks for reading.

Alright, today was pretty boring. I finished cleaning and doing even more laundry. And I reorganized everything in my drawers like I said I would. It was really tiring. Then I made Timothy a pasta dish and got myself some soup. I still have to wash the pillows and put the new comforter in, then I have to vacuum and shampoo the carpet. That's going to be done tomorrow though.

My headache left for a while but I can feel it coming back. Tomorrow is going to be interesting. Usually Timothy comes straight home after work but tomorrow he's going to visit his mother and godmother and go jogging. He's started his diet and exercise so he can be ready for when he goes to the Air Force. After all he needs to at least meet the minimum requirements. I think I might go with him. I'm not going to run but I can time him.

Today was my friend's mother's birthday, and I didn't get a chance to text her and tell her to wish her mother a happy birthday from me. So I hope she reads this because she was in my thoughts today, I was just overwhelmed with all the chores I had to do. And it's late so I don't know if she's up so I don't want to send a text and wake her.

But yeah, today was a busy day and I said I was going to update my blog, so that's what I'm doing. I have to go now though, I still have laundry that I have to do.

See you later, and thanks for reading! :)

Well, I am doing better. My cousin helped me out a lot, although I'm not sure if she knows how much. I got to talk to her on the phone the other day, and it just cheered me up. We even made plans so now I have something to look forward to. I'm still sad, just not as much. I'm glad that I have at least one family member that I can talk to like that.

Right now I'm taking a small break. I'm doing laundry and cleaning my room. It's hard to keep this room clean though, since it's a small room and Timothy and I have to share it. There just isn't enough space for everything. Especially clothes. But I organize the best I can. That's all I can do. I just really hate having clothes out in the open. It's not like the clothes is on the floor or spread out all over the room but it still bothers me. I want to go through all my drawers and reorganize everything. That would take a whole day though. I think I will be doing that soon though.

Enough talk of cleaning though. I just thought I would update and let people know that I am going to be okay, and that I'm alive and haven't forgotten about my blog. And I will be getting back to my regular blogging schedule, so expect a post everyday. :)

Also, this is off topic but did anyone hear about the shooting at Fort Hood today? I think it's really sad, and I feel bad for the families of the people who passed away. The news was all very sad.

Well, I have to get back to cleaning. I'll post tomorrow.

Thanks for reading, and if you can, please click on the Ads to the right?

One change.

I'm not feeling as horrible as yesterday. Good, I guess. Maybe I won't end up in the hospital, maybe.

Oh, and Timothy and I had a long talk. He's going to join the Air Force. To secure our future. There are of course pro's and con's, but the pro's outweigh the bad. With the way that Timothy's job is now, he's not going to get anywhere. He has no benefits there. So I'm helping him find all the information he needs. Since he didn't gradute High School, he'll be taking classes so that he can get his diploma. In the meantime he can pay $65 and take the test to get his G.E.D., which he can also use to register for the Air Force, although the High School Diploma is better for him to have. So I want him to get the diploma, since it increases his chances of being recruited.

The thing I am going to hate is that we will be separated for a long time while he does the eight and a half weeks of basic training and then goes to technical school to train for his career. But this is something that Timothy has told me that he wanted to do for a long time, so I will support him. I think that joining will make him more mature, and we'll also be able to move out of my mother's house and be independent. He'll also get the sign on bonus of $10,000, which we can use to make our credit better among other things. I think that this is something that he needs to do, and we will both benefit from it in the long run.

We've talked about it and this is a decision that we have thought about and considered. So I am going to help him make this happen. I think it will take a year before he can sign up, because we have to prepare and get his education complete, not to mention getting him into shape so that he can meet the minimum requirements when he goes there.

That's all I am going to talk about for now. I still have some information that I need to find.

Both mentally and physically. I just want to snuggle under my covers and hibernate. Among other things that I will not post here. Most likely I'm going to end up in the hospital for the fifth time, so if I don't update, you know why.

See you.