Craziness xD

Hey all, I'm sorry I haven't posted for a week, but I'm back!

It's been a weird week, I guess. Or well, not that eventful. I don't even really remember what I did, other than going to appointments and my therapist. The only highlight of my week was on Saturday when I slept over my cousin's house. She is very awesome and it had been such a long time since I last saw her. I'm so glad we finally got to hang out.

We watched Scott Pilgrim VS The World and that movie was awesome. All I have to say is that everyone should go watch that movie right NOW. Anyway, after the movie we went to Best Buy so we could bring my cousin's laptop to get fixed. And then I watched my cousin dance to Poker Face by Lady Gaga on Xbox Kinect. That was fun too. I didn't dance though since there were people watching and that makes me anxious. >.>;;

Then we went to Old Country Buffet and there were slushies, which I love. Her dad brought us there to eat and it was pretty cool. When we got home I helped her with History stuff and then we went to bed. I woke up around four in the morning for some reason.

Now let's skip to today. I woke up at six in the morning and I was supposed to see my peer counselor, but she bailed. So now I don't have an appointment today, which makes me both happy and a little frustrated. I was a little mad that she cancelled because the agency that I deal with flips out when I don't have appointments, but how is it my fault that I don't have one if they cancel on me? Whatever.

*VENTING STARTS HERE, SO SKIP IF YOU WANT.*

Oh yeah, and I'm supposed to be going to this place called Career Works, which I'm familiar with because of my mom. If I knew that I was going to have to go there I would have signed up for it weeks ago instead of waiting for this idiot to "let me know" how things play out. I hate waiting. I just want to go back to school and start a job. I want to save up money so I can move out with Tim. I WANT TO START MY LIFE. And I feel like I'm being held back.

Since I'm already ranting, I might as well go on and let it all out.

I am feeling really insecure about my weight, and about my appearance in general. I feel like I'm just putting on more weight and I hate it. (I am putting on more weight, I check that shit.) And when it comes to eating I feel even worse. Sometimes I just eat without even thinking about it, and then I get pissed at myself for not realizing it. I want to lose weight so bad, but I'm the one holding myself back. And I don't even do it intentionally. This is why I started a gym membership, but that shit doesn't work half the time because A.) Tim doesn't "feel" like going. B.) I don't want to go by myself because my anxiety will surface, and C.) I have no one else to fucking go with.

I just want to stop eating in general and go to the gym everyday. Seriously.

Yes, I know that's not good for me. Do I care? No. So don't give me a lecture that I'm not going to listen to. Do us both a favor and don't waste my time.

Next, I hate not having money. Everything I get is either spent on bills, food, or random expenses that magically pop up. (Example: Tim's car.) And because of this I feel like I can't go out with friends, or in general. I don't go to the movies or anything, and I hate going to the mall with friends, not because I don't like spending time with friends, but because I can't buy anything. I hate going to a store and not being able to get anything. I find it pointless. And it doesn't help when other people have money and they buy shit and then I'm just standing there like, oh hai I'm broke. The only reason it's a good thing is because I get to hang with friends. But I would much rather just chill at some one's house.

Now, this one will be the last one I bring up, since I don't think I can handle thinking about anything else.

I keep thinking about that past. Now, most people don't know shit about my past, or anything that has happened to me. But I have nightmares, and they keep happening, every night. Tim is the only person who knows everything, and I don't want to bother him. I've just been getting anxiety attacks much easier, and some of them happen out of the blue. My depression has gotten worse too, sometimes I feel as bad as I used to when I was at my worst. And I don't want to go back to that. I don't want to end up in another hospital that isn't going to help me. I don't want to make my parents worry about me and think that they did something wrong. Because they didn't. And I try to tell them but they don't understand that the problem isn't them, it's me. I just want to be normal.

But that's not possible. Not after all that shit that's happened. Nothings been normal since age 12. And thanks to that asshole I'll never be the same. I'll always have those scars, and they'll never fade away. Every time I think about it, those scars open up again, as if it was just yesterday that I was going through all that pain and fear. And then I re-live everything again.

Whatever, I'm done being all "depressing" and shit. I know no one likes to actually hear about real shit that happens to people, they just want fake smiles and for everything to be okay, but it's not. The reality is that it's not okay, and I'm not going to pretend that I'm okay just to make your ass feel better.

*VENTING ENDS HERE*

Now the QotD:

*What do you do when you're feeling down?*

Leave answers in the comment section b e l o w 


OR if you feel like contacting me directly, about this post, my novel, or just for random feedback- please fill out the form to the right. All suggestions/comments are welcome.

Laters.
 

Hello all!

The last few days have been pretty good. I went to my cousin's party, and it was pretty great. I even got my mother and two aunts to get on the dance floor. It was... interesting. Watching them try to dance to anything other than Salsa or Merengue is very awkward. I had a lot of fun though, and I got my Shirley Temple that I was craving since Emily's party, so I was satisfied with how the night turned out. I was just a bit sad that Tim couldn't go because of work. (But I'm quite sure he didn't want to go anyway, haha.)

On Monday I saw Scott, my career specialist. Or, well, the person who is going to help me get back into school and find a part time job. I'm really psyched about getting this whole thing started. I really want a job, and I want to go back to school and take something involving computers. And Scott can help me find financial aid and other things that will help me go for free. During our first meeting all we did was paperwork, though. It was some type of assessment that he would use for "future reference" or something like that. I'm going to meet him weekly, so hopefully I'll be able to figure things out.

Then it was uneventful until around midnight. As some people (gamers) would know, Black Ops had a midnight release, and Tim wanted to go wait in line for it, so I went with him. It was very cold (and raining) and I was only wearing a t-shirt, so I was obviously freezing my ass off. And we had to wait for an hour and a half, so as you can imagine, I was only moments away from getting frost bite. <- Exaggerating.

The most interesting event of that night was that towards the end of it, which was when a girl was crossing the parking lot, and a car almost hit her- but she ran quickly across, only to slip and hit her head on the bumper of another car. The whole line saw it, and the first thing I heard when it happened was a collective pronunciation of the letter O. All I know is she was knocked the fuck out. And she probably suffered from a concussion. I'm sure she's alright, though.

Now I'm just going to skip Tuesday (since it wasn't that noteworthy) and move on to today. I woke up around ten, and went to see my peer counselor at eleven in the morning. We drove around for a bit, talking and getting lost in Brockton. When I came back I woke up Tim and we went to the gym for an hour and a half. I was exhausted by the time we got home, and I think he was too because we took a nap until it was time for him to go to work. Then it was time for Black Ops, which I recommend to everyone. I love it because Tim and I can both go online from the same PS3 and play split screen against other online people.

Anyway, now I'm just sitting in bed with my laptop in my face writing this blog and texting at the same time. I'm waiting for Tim to get home from work so we can watch a movie or play Black Ops together. :3

While it's on my mind, I'm going to do some advertising. Go check out this blog and this blog. They are awesome! (They are also new and need some followers, so please help them out?) :D

And now it's time for the QotD, which is:

*If you could travel to any part of the world, where would you travel, and why?*

Leave answers in the comment section b e l o w XD


OR if you feel like contacting me directly, about this post, my novel, or just for random feedback- please fill out the form to the right. All suggestions/comments are welcome.

Alright, that's it for today. Hopefully I won't stay up all night playing video games. (Who am I kidding, we all know I'm going to stay up!) Well, until next time, take care. And thanks for stopping by!
 
Laters.
 

Hello all! I'm in a great mood today. :D

I saw my peer counselor this morning, which was pretty interesting. I hardly ever talk when I'm with her but today I wouldn't shut up. She even called me hyper. I'm a little sad that Tim didn't want to go to the gym today, and I would have gone by myself but I couldn't find a ride for the life of me. So I made him promise that we would go tomorrow. And I expect to make up for missing today's session. It's kind of a good thing that we didn't go today though, since I kind of injured my foot yesterday. But even with my foot hurting, I still wanted to go. Oh well.

Anyway, right now I'm just waiting to be picked up by Jenna, and then we're going to pick up Ashley at her house and then we're headed off to the mall. It sucks that I don't have much money to spend, (I literally have about ten dollars to my name), but it's still awesome to get out of the house and spend some time with my friends. After that I'm going to Ashley's house to sleep over, which is always fun. It's been a while since I slept over there so I'm pretty happy about it. I think we'll probably watch some movies or PLL. I'm not sure but I think we might go out to dinner- and I don't have money. "/ But I'm sure we'll figure something out.

Tomorrow I have to go see this woman about my therapist and junk, and before that I'm hitting up the gym, so I'm not sure if I'll be able to write. I'm not sure what I'm doing after the appointment but I'll try to at least update even if it is a short post.

I really want to take some pictures today at the mall. That and buy a book.

I also want to work on my novel, and I'm thinking that tomorrow would be a good day for that. So I think that's what I'll do after I get home.

I'm skipping the QotD today since I'm feeling a bit lazy, but I'll definitely post one up the next time I update. I also think I'll be adding a new section to my posts, but I'm not telling yet!

Now I think it's time for me to go, so let's hope that today is awesome, not just for me but for everyone else as well. :]

Laters.

Hello all, it's been a while. But don't worry, I didn't forget about my blog!

First off, I guess I should fill you all in on what I've been up to. I started a membership at a gym, and I'm really excited about it. I've already gone for three straight days and I really want to make a habit of it. I think getting in shape will really help my self esteem and that's something I definitely need. Tim is also going with me and that keeps me even more motivated, not to mention it makes the experience more fun. I'm looking forward to going back tomorrow. :]

Next, the last week has been pretty busy. I've been seeing my peer counselors and going to my groups. That and I went out a few times- I even went to a party that was pretty kickass. I went with Ashley, and we danced and ate tacos. It was cool. Now this Saturday coming up is my cousin's Sweet 15, so I'm going there too. My aunt really wanted me to go so hopefully it'll be fun too.

Speaking of future plans, I have a bunch of stuff that I'm going to be doing. I have appointments, plans with friends, the gym, and other events all happening this week. I'm going to be really busy and I'm loving it. Hanging out with Jenna and Ashley should be really fun, and having a sleepover right after is going to be awesome. Maybe I'll even have a chance to watch some PLL? (Hint hint, Ashley xP)

The only thing I need to get sorted out is finding a new therapist and working with Scott to find a job. After that I'll be all set. Well, that and a few other things- but those are small matters.

This past week I've also been writing! And I'm really happy about that because lately I haven't had any motivation to write at all. I even finished reading a whole book, (I pulled an all nighter to do it, though). I've even been writing in my journal, which I've been neglecting. I'm glad to be doing all these things again.

Anyway, I think it's time for the QotD, which is:

*Do you prefer for a male character or female character to be the center of a story?*

Leave answers in the comment section  b e l o w  XD

OR if you feel like contacting me, about this post, my novel, or just for random feedback- please fill out the form to the right. All suggestions/comments are welcome.

Okay, that's it for now. I should be back tomorrow, and if not, it's because I couldn't think of anything to write about.

Laters.

Hello all, it's 4:32 PM right now and I'm not quite sure what to write about.

I didn't update yesterday, but then again there wasn't much to update- it was a boring day. The same goes for today. At the moment I'm just watching some TV. The show I'm watching is about UFOs or something, I'm not really paying much attention to it. I'm thinking of working on my novel until Tim gets home from work, so when I'm done here that's what I'll be doing.

I'm feeling really tired today and I'm not sure why. But I'm trying to stay up so that I won't sleep all day again. I need something to do I guess. (Which is why I'm going to work on my story when I finish here!)

Well, I'm not going to do the QotD or anything special today. I'm just updating to let everyone know I'm still here. XP

Leave comments  b e l o w  if you feel like it OR contact me by filling out the form to the right. >>>

Anyway, sorry for the short and lazy post everyone. o.O;; I guess it's an off day for me.

I almost forgot, but everyone should go check out this blog! :)

It's pretty cool and I think you should all check it out!

Alright, I'm going to write now. :'D

Laters.

Hey all! It has been three days since I last wrote, but I'm back!

First off, let me tell you some things that have been going on: Sunday I was a bit lazy and didn't update, but Monday I was extremely busy due to my trip to Connecticut and New York. So I think I'll skip describing my lazy day and go straight to yesterday.

I woke up around 7 AM and got ready to leave to Connecticut with Tim and my in-laws to go see Jerry Springer. The trip there was fun, and I kept taking random pictures of myself and Tim in the van. We got out at a rest stop and got some good food, (I can't remember the name of the place that we bought it from though,) and by the time we got to CT it was around 2:30 PM. We waited in line, and then again indoors, and we finally got into the show around 5:00 PM. So we were all pretty frustrated when we got in. But the show made up for the wait big time. It was funny as hell, and pretty cool to actually be in the audience of a show like that. I didn't expect myself to get into it, but I was standing up and yelling "Jerry, Jerry!" along with everyone else and it was awesome. Not to mention we got free stuff, thanks to Tim's really tall dad. He caught like six things. :]

After that we made the trip to White Castle. It wasn't as crazy as Harold and Kumar's trip, but it was still good nonetheless. The burgers were great, and so were the chicken rings and onion rings. I'm really happy that I can say I've gone to White Castle. After that we went to the Empire State Building and went to the 86th floor, but it was raining so the visibility was only ten miles. I thought it was funny how many people they had working there, well actually just standing there so we would know where to go. And they were dressed up in these cute little red outfits. My phone was dead by then so I couldn't take any pictures, but Tim did and they came out great. This is one that he took!

After that we got some pizza, and what they say is true. New York has they best pizza, I loved it. We walked around for a little afterwards and bought some souvenirs at the gift shop, and I fell asleep on the way home (we arrived at 4 AM!)

All in all it was a great day and I hope to go back to New York sometime in the future so I can explore a bit more. I really want to see the Statue of Liberty, and get another slice of pizza! It was yummy. :]

Now back to the present- I haven't done much today since I was sleeping until about 1 PM, and right now it's almost 5:30 PM, and I have to go to my group. So it's not going to be a very productive day. I'm thinking of just relaxing with a book after my group and waiting for Tim to get home. Then I'll spend time with him. :D

Alright, time for the...

Question of the Day:

*In a story, would you prefer for a character to develop a relationship with a romantic interest, or for the character to already have a relationship?*

Leave answers in the comment section  b e l o w  XD

OR if you feel like contacting me, about this post, my novel, or just for random feedback- please fill out the form to the right. All suggestions/comments are welcome.

That's it! I hope everyone had a great day! I'll be back tomorrow. :]

Laters.

Awake early again... even earlier than yesterday. This is getting ridiculous. (I started writing this post at 7:15 AM)

Well, yesterday was pretty good. I got out of the house, which was on my list, thanks to the help of two people. (They are awesome!) I was feeling out of it though so I probably seemed like I wasn't having fun but I was. These new pills I've been taking are fucking me all up, as most pills do when I first start taking them. It'll probably take me a week or so to adjust to them. Until then I'm going to be sluggish- just a warning. I would really like to go out today, but as usual, I have no plans. All I know is I really don't want to be home. "/

Today I'm going to have a lot of time on my hands, and honestly I feel like sleeping the day away since I already know it's going to be uneventful. I know that I need to stay awake though, otherwise I'll get all nocturnal again and that wouldn't be good for me. (It would be very bad, actually.) So the next best thing is doing something that will make time pass by quicker.

I'm not going to make a list today. I guess this will be a new rule- on weekends, I don't make a list. I'll just do what I feel like doing. And what I feel like doing is either reading all day or getting into my novel. I think getting lost in my novel would be a good choice since I won't be thinking about myself and what I'm dealing with; I'll be focused on the characters in my story. So that's what I'll be doing, I guess.

Or... I'll play a video game. Maybe Final Fantasy XIII, Kingdom Hearts: BBS, .Hack//G.U., or Red Dead Redemption. Possibly even a zombie game since I feel like destroying things. I just hate playing horror games by myself. So maybe that's not a good idea. Whatever, I'll figure it out.

Anyway, I've been thinking... about life and certain things. I really want to go back to college. Or at least get a job. I've been working on making those things happen, such as calling people, etc. What I really want is to move out of this house. I don't have a problem with my parents or anything, I just want to feel more independent. I really want to have a better social life too... I hardly go out and interact with people. Of course having social anxiety doesn't help- but neither does staying in my house all day. I want to join a fun group or something, make some plans, and actually go out. I think I really need that, so I'm going to try and make it happen. I just don't know where to start... Any suggestions?

Okay, I think it's time for the...

Question of the Day:

*Would you prefer a story to follow just one character the whole way through, or switch between different characters?*

Leave answers in the comment section  b e l o w  :]

OR if you feel like contacting me, about this post, my novel, or just for random feedback- please fill out the form to the right. All suggestions/comments are welcome.

That's it for today, I hope you all enjoy your weekend! And thank you for reading. :D

Laters.

Yesterday sucked.

I can't even start to explain how much it sucked. But I suppose I can say what happened. I had to go to the hospital for something I thought I had dealt with, but apparently not. So now I feel like I have to start all over with this stupid problem and get over it, again. I was so fucked up when I got home because of the meds they had me on, and the only thing I'm glad about is that they didn't keep me there. (Like they usually do.) And now I'm awake, early again, which is weird but I'm not surprised this time. I feel like shit, so to anyone who reads this, you'll know why I won't be very responsive today.

Anyway, my list is going to be the same one from yesterday, except with a few minor changes.

1. Stay awake!
2. Read a book.
3. Work on my novel.
4. Don't think about it.
5. Laundry.
6. Talk to my friends.
7. Keep myself busy. (I might need assistance though.)
8. Really, really, try not to sleep during the day.
9. Figure out what's going on with my Uncle.
10. Fill out *more*  information forms for characters.
11. Try not to dwell on negative thoughts. "/ (Especially today.)
12. Go out if I have the chance to. Maybe.
13. Have a productive day.

Yeah, I was lazy. No, I don't care if this wasn't very creative. "/

Anyway, I'll probably go start writing since I need a distraction. Oh, and write back to some people and explain what happened. Yup, that's about it for now. Sorry for the short post.

Question of the Day:

*Do you prefer a novel with more dialogue than description, vise-versa, or equal amounts of both?*

If you want to contact me leave a comment b e l o w OR fill out the form to the right of this post. >>>
- Or you could do both if you so choose to, as long as you respond. :] -

Alright, well I'm off to get my day started. I hope you all have a nice day!

Laters.

Hey all, it's my second day in a row updating and even I'm surprised. >.>;; It's a good thing though!

I woke up pretty early this morning, around 7:00 AM and ended up rescheduling my appointment. I'm actually kind of relieved about certain things but I won't get into details about my medical problems here.

Last night was pretty fun, I was on Formspring having two different conversations with the same person, and for some reason it was highly addictive just waiting for the next question to be asked. It's pretty cool, and I was up until 3 AM just writing back and forth. I ended up missing two things on my list from yesterday, one of which was not going to sleep during the day and the other being exercise. Otherwise I did pretty well. And I still slept through the night so taking a nap didn't hurt as much as I thought it would.

I just finished watching Fight Club, and that movie is amazing. The title of my post is a quote from that movie. But I won't get into it since I don't want to sound like a raging fangirl. You should all go see it, though.

I feel like my day is already at its end even though it's only 12 PM. I still have all day to do things, but I'm  not sure what I want to do. I'm glad I got to spend time with Tim, since he woke up at the same time as me. I think when he goes to work I might work on my novel. Or read, whichever I feel like doing at the time.

I think I'll make a list again. I'll try to make a habit out of this. Here goes:

1. Stay awake!
2. Read a book.
3. Work on my novel.
4. Call those people at Bamsi. Ugh.
5. Clean my room.
6. Talk to my friends. xD
7. Keep myself busy. (I might need assistance though.)
8. Look up information on how to get things published.
9. Make plans to go to groups.
10. Fill out information forms for characters.
11. Try not to dwell on negative thoughts. "/
12. Go out if I have the chance to.
13. Have a productive day.

Okay, all done. Hopefully I can do everything there, but if I can't it's alright. I think I'll get the cleaning and calling people out of my way first so that I can focus on my novel afterwards. If you'd like to know what my novel is about, scroll down to yesterday's post and read about it. I'm always looking for opinions and suggestions. :]

Anyway, before I skip off to do some cleaning, I have a question for all of you.

*Which is more appealing to you- a first person or third person point of view for a novel?*

Leave comments b e l o w.

Thanks for reading. :D As always, if you have any feedback, you can contact me by filling out the form to the right of this post. So don't be afraid to contact me! >>>

Laters.

Hello all, I didn't forget to write. :)

I'm awake very early today, well, at least it's early for me. It's almost 9:00 AM and usually I would still be asleep at this time. But I'm glad I'm awake because I can get more accomplished. I already made an appointment with my doctor for tomorrow, so now I don't have to worry about calling. However, I am worried about the reason I had to call. I've been having this ongoing problem and it seems to have gotten worse, to the point where even my boyfriend is concerned enough to push me to go to my doctor. (And he is the most laid back person I know.) So right now I'm pretty worked up about it, and I just hope it turns out to be nothing. Maybe I'll find out tomorrow, but I don't think it's likely. They'll probably run some blood work first. Then I'll be anticipating... But enough of that. Let's move on, shall we?

I'm thinking of writing a different novel, (don't worry, I'm still working on the other one as well), but I'm not quite sure what to write about. I just want to work on something different for a while, since I'm having a block on my other novel. I'm hoping that concentrating on something else will get my creative juices flowing again. Then when I go back to my other novel I'll have some ideas. I've been reading and re-reading all the novels that I've ever started and I'm thinking of maybe just working on one of those. I'm leaning towards a story that centers around a girl who has been "teleported" into another world, where she meets other people who have encountered the same problem, (from different worlds as well) and they must work together to figure out why they're there, and the mystery of the world beyond their world.

Does that sound like a good plot for a story? Any feedback on this would be great. It's fantasy/action/adventure with some romance. And now I feel like working on it. xD

Please contact me if you have any suggestions or feedback! It's the link to the right of this post! >>>

I think I'll make a list of what I want to get done today:
(?) = Would like to do, but it's alright if I don't

1. Call my doctor. (done)
2. Work on my novel.
3. Stay awake and not take any naps.
4. Talk to my friends and try to make some plans.
5. Exercise, even if it's just jumping jacks or running up and down the stairs.
6. Spend some time with my Aunt, if she comes to visit.
7. Get some drawing done (?)
8. Continue reading that book (?)
9. Play a video game (?)
10. Keep myself busy.

And I think that's it! It's nothing too difficult, so I should be able to do it. The hardest thing will be staying awake though, since I usually take a nap. I'm trying to break that habit, so I'm going to force myself to stay up by keeping my mind occupied.

Alright, onto the second thing on my list. I'll update tomorrow, or later. We'll see if I can do all the things on my list. :D

Laters.

I can't believe the last time I updated this was February 3, 2010. Time really does pass you by when you least expect it. So many things have happened, I'm not sure where to start.

I guess the first thing I'd like to mention is how badly I've been neglecting this website. I used to come on here often and update daily, but lately I've been either too busy, or just outright lazy. I'm hoping to change that and update here daily like I used to.

Lately there have been a lot of things on my mind, like finding a way to go to college, or finding a job. I really want to make some new friends, because my social life is lacking. It sucks being in a house all day with nothing to do. These last few days I've been calling people and putting things into motion. I really need to stop procrastinating and do what needs to be done. Then maybe I'll feel a little happier. Maybe.

Other than that, I've been having the same old problems. Family issues, money issues, social issues. I guess those are all things that would be issues for anyone, but my way of dealing with them is what makes it suck. I still have to deal with these anxiety attacks, which doesn't help, and my depression has been getting worse as well. It doesn't help that my therapist moved to Connecticut so now I have no one to vent to (that actually cares, or at least pretends to.) Not to mention everything else in my life that used to be planned has

Right now I'm just feeling a bit unwanted, and I can't stand this feeling. I really just need someone to talk to, or just someone who will keep my mind off stupid things. What I really want is a good friend, and I don't think that's asking for much...

It's funny how I'm writing about my problems and one of them stares me in the face. Out of nowhere, my family issues come into play, and now I'm a bit irritated.  These people came to visit, so now I have to hear this assholes loud voice until they decide to leave. I had no choice but to blast my music. And now Tim is going to come downstairs and I'm going to be irritated again...

I don't think I'm unreasonable. I just don't think he understands how much it upsets me to just hear them, let alone see them. If he could feel what I feel maybe he'd understand. But it's impossible to explain it to him, it just ends up being an argument with no solution. And then we both end up upset.

I'm not sure what to do now though, writing this down does seem to help.

Okay... Well, I'm going to get off of this and deal with these issues the best way I can.

Wish me luck.

I've been hanging out with my cousin since Monday and we've been having fun. Just playing videogames, talking, watching TV, and whatever else we can do. We watched The Game Plan yesterday and we're going to watch Gamer tonight. I'm looking forward to it. :)

Since I've been hanging out with her I haven't really been writing or anything else. That's not bad though, because I think I really needed this time with my cousin to just relax.

Today has been a slow day, mostly I've just been watching my cousin play Uncharted for the PS3, which is an awesome game. Right now she's taking a nap so I thought I'd come online and write on my blog. I have the TV on in the background but I'm not really paying attention to it. I'm not sure why but today I just feel down. I think it might be because of how gloomy it is outside. It's alright though, hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow. I'm so tired right now though.

I wrote a letter to my friend that moved and I'm waiting for a reply. It sucks that we have to communicate through regular mail since she doesn't have internet access, but it is pretty cool to have a penpal that I can write a regular letter to.

Well I think I'm going to get off for now, I can't really think of anything else to say. Or I guess it's that I can't concentrate right now.

So, off to do something to keep me busy. I'll try to write tomorrow.

I've been up since 5 AM, and I feel wide awake which is unusual for me. But it's good, I've been keeping myself busy.

I just watched Howl's Moving Castle, which is an awesome movie. It was so cute and it had me laughing at a lot of parts. I loved the fact that it was an animated movie too. It's been a while since I saw a good movie that was animated since Spirited Away. I'm probably late with seeing this movie, but it was really good and is now a movie that's on my favorites list. Everyone go see it!

It's still pretty early and I'm not sure what I'm doing today. I was going to clean today but I ended up doing that yesterday which I'm happy I did but at the same time I have nothing to do now. I think I'm going to work on my story for a bit until Timothy gets home. Then I have no idea what's going to happen. It's weird not having any plans.

Well, I don't know what else to write, but I'll post again later once I've actually done something. So, until then.

Thanks for reading! (Sorry for the boring post.)

I'm not sure where to begin. My last post was in December, and now it's almost the end of January and so much has happened.

My friend moved away, and that sucks because I haven't been able to keep in touch with her really. Whenever we talk it's just an exchange of a few sentences and that's it. I don't blame her, I know she just moved to a new place and needs to get settled and all that. I just miss my friend is all.

My birthday passed. It was on the 20th of January, and now I'm twenty years old. My parents took me out to dinner and a movie with my boyfriend and we had some fun. We saw Book of Eli which was pretty good. I liked the concept of the movie, the only thing I disliked was the very ending. But overall it was a good movie and I would recommend it to any of you out there.

I don't feel any different now that I'm twenty. The only thing that really made me aware of it was that I had to celebrate it. Otherwise it would have been just another day. I don't get excited anymore when it comes to my birthday, I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I'm getting older?

In January I was in the hospital. I had to be taken in because my depression and anxiety was acting up again. That and I've been having nightmares, which is completely new and terrifying. Mostly because when I wake up I'm still in a state of shock and my anxiety skyrockets. I hate it. I did get out of the hospital in better shape than when I went in, so that's good. I saw my primary care physician and he's running some tests. And I've also been going back to therapy which gets me out of the house. And my doctor wants to talk to my therapist which I thought was a bit weird, but whatever. I'm also going to see a psychiatrist so I can get the medication that I need to take and fix my doses that I'm taking now. That's not until February 19th, though. Then there's the "social worker" that I need to talk to about services that they can provide. So there's a lot going on right now.

My cousin is coming to my house to sleep over on the first of February. I'm happy that I'm going to have someone to keep me company, because I've been feeling really lonely lately. We should have fun, so I'm looking forward to it. And she's staying a week so I'm happy about that as well.

AS FOR MY WRITING, I have been working on my story since I got back home. I've completed a few more chapters while also doing plot outlines and character profiles. So I have been making progress on that. I've also been reading a lot of books and playing The Sims 3, (which for some reason I'm addicted to- I just love all the customization.)

I will be posting here everyday now that I'm back into a good routine. Even if no one reads, then I'll do it for myself. After all, I need to keep myself happy too. :)

On another note, I'm really looking for some friends, (because my lack of socialization is ridiculous.) So if you'd like to talk, about anything at all, please send me an email! I always love to meet new people.

Hail and Farewell~