Craziness xD

Hey all, I'm sorry I haven't posted for a week, but I'm back!

It's been a weird week, I guess. Or well, not that eventful. I don't even really remember what I did, other than going to appointments and my therapist. The only highlight of my week was on Saturday when I slept over my cousin's house. She is very awesome and it had been such a long time since I last saw her. I'm so glad we finally got to hang out.

We watched Scott Pilgrim VS The World and that movie was awesome. All I have to say is that everyone should go watch that movie right NOW. Anyway, after the movie we went to Best Buy so we could bring my cousin's laptop to get fixed. And then I watched my cousin dance to Poker Face by Lady Gaga on Xbox Kinect. That was fun too. I didn't dance though since there were people watching and that makes me anxious. >.>;;

Then we went to Old Country Buffet and there were slushies, which I love. Her dad brought us there to eat and it was pretty cool. When we got home I helped her with History stuff and then we went to bed. I woke up around four in the morning for some reason.

Now let's skip to today. I woke up at six in the morning and I was supposed to see my peer counselor, but she bailed. So now I don't have an appointment today, which makes me both happy and a little frustrated. I was a little mad that she cancelled because the agency that I deal with flips out when I don't have appointments, but how is it my fault that I don't have one if they cancel on me? Whatever.

*VENTING STARTS HERE, SO SKIP IF YOU WANT.*

Oh yeah, and I'm supposed to be going to this place called Career Works, which I'm familiar with because of my mom. If I knew that I was going to have to go there I would have signed up for it weeks ago instead of waiting for this idiot to "let me know" how things play out. I hate waiting. I just want to go back to school and start a job. I want to save up money so I can move out with Tim. I WANT TO START MY LIFE. And I feel like I'm being held back.

Since I'm already ranting, I might as well go on and let it all out.

I am feeling really insecure about my weight, and about my appearance in general. I feel like I'm just putting on more weight and I hate it. (I am putting on more weight, I check that shit.) And when it comes to eating I feel even worse. Sometimes I just eat without even thinking about it, and then I get pissed at myself for not realizing it. I want to lose weight so bad, but I'm the one holding myself back. And I don't even do it intentionally. This is why I started a gym membership, but that shit doesn't work half the time because A.) Tim doesn't "feel" like going. B.) I don't want to go by myself because my anxiety will surface, and C.) I have no one else to fucking go with.

I just want to stop eating in general and go to the gym everyday. Seriously.

Yes, I know that's not good for me. Do I care? No. So don't give me a lecture that I'm not going to listen to. Do us both a favor and don't waste my time.

Next, I hate not having money. Everything I get is either spent on bills, food, or random expenses that magically pop up. (Example: Tim's car.) And because of this I feel like I can't go out with friends, or in general. I don't go to the movies or anything, and I hate going to the mall with friends, not because I don't like spending time with friends, but because I can't buy anything. I hate going to a store and not being able to get anything. I find it pointless. And it doesn't help when other people have money and they buy shit and then I'm just standing there like, oh hai I'm broke. The only reason it's a good thing is because I get to hang with friends. But I would much rather just chill at some one's house.

Now, this one will be the last one I bring up, since I don't think I can handle thinking about anything else.

I keep thinking about that past. Now, most people don't know shit about my past, or anything that has happened to me. But I have nightmares, and they keep happening, every night. Tim is the only person who knows everything, and I don't want to bother him. I've just been getting anxiety attacks much easier, and some of them happen out of the blue. My depression has gotten worse too, sometimes I feel as bad as I used to when I was at my worst. And I don't want to go back to that. I don't want to end up in another hospital that isn't going to help me. I don't want to make my parents worry about me and think that they did something wrong. Because they didn't. And I try to tell them but they don't understand that the problem isn't them, it's me. I just want to be normal.

But that's not possible. Not after all that shit that's happened. Nothings been normal since age 12. And thanks to that asshole I'll never be the same. I'll always have those scars, and they'll never fade away. Every time I think about it, those scars open up again, as if it was just yesterday that I was going through all that pain and fear. And then I re-live everything again.

Whatever, I'm done being all "depressing" and shit. I know no one likes to actually hear about real shit that happens to people, they just want fake smiles and for everything to be okay, but it's not. The reality is that it's not okay, and I'm not going to pretend that I'm okay just to make your ass feel better.

*VENTING ENDS HERE*

Now the QotD:

*What do you do when you're feeling down?*

Leave answers in the comment section b e l o w 


OR if you feel like contacting me directly, about this post, my novel, or just for random feedback- please fill out the form to the right. All suggestions/comments are welcome.

Laters.
 

Hello all!

The last few days have been pretty good. I went to my cousin's party, and it was pretty great. I even got my mother and two aunts to get on the dance floor. It was... interesting. Watching them try to dance to anything other than Salsa or Merengue is very awkward. I had a lot of fun though, and I got my Shirley Temple that I was craving since Emily's party, so I was satisfied with how the night turned out. I was just a bit sad that Tim couldn't go because of work. (But I'm quite sure he didn't want to go anyway, haha.)

On Monday I saw Scott, my career specialist. Or, well, the person who is going to help me get back into school and find a part time job. I'm really psyched about getting this whole thing started. I really want a job, and I want to go back to school and take something involving computers. And Scott can help me find financial aid and other things that will help me go for free. During our first meeting all we did was paperwork, though. It was some type of assessment that he would use for "future reference" or something like that. I'm going to meet him weekly, so hopefully I'll be able to figure things out.

Then it was uneventful until around midnight. As some people (gamers) would know, Black Ops had a midnight release, and Tim wanted to go wait in line for it, so I went with him. It was very cold (and raining) and I was only wearing a t-shirt, so I was obviously freezing my ass off. And we had to wait for an hour and a half, so as you can imagine, I was only moments away from getting frost bite. <- Exaggerating.

The most interesting event of that night was that towards the end of it, which was when a girl was crossing the parking lot, and a car almost hit her- but she ran quickly across, only to slip and hit her head on the bumper of another car. The whole line saw it, and the first thing I heard when it happened was a collective pronunciation of the letter O. All I know is she was knocked the fuck out. And she probably suffered from a concussion. I'm sure she's alright, though.

Now I'm just going to skip Tuesday (since it wasn't that noteworthy) and move on to today. I woke up around ten, and went to see my peer counselor at eleven in the morning. We drove around for a bit, talking and getting lost in Brockton. When I came back I woke up Tim and we went to the gym for an hour and a half. I was exhausted by the time we got home, and I think he was too because we took a nap until it was time for him to go to work. Then it was time for Black Ops, which I recommend to everyone. I love it because Tim and I can both go online from the same PS3 and play split screen against other online people.

Anyway, now I'm just sitting in bed with my laptop in my face writing this blog and texting at the same time. I'm waiting for Tim to get home from work so we can watch a movie or play Black Ops together. :3

While it's on my mind, I'm going to do some advertising. Go check out this blog and this blog. They are awesome! (They are also new and need some followers, so please help them out?) :D

And now it's time for the QotD, which is:

*If you could travel to any part of the world, where would you travel, and why?*

Leave answers in the comment section b e l o w XD


OR if you feel like contacting me directly, about this post, my novel, or just for random feedback- please fill out the form to the right. All suggestions/comments are welcome.

Alright, that's it for today. Hopefully I won't stay up all night playing video games. (Who am I kidding, we all know I'm going to stay up!) Well, until next time, take care. And thanks for stopping by!
 
Laters.
 

Hello all! I'm in a great mood today. :D

I saw my peer counselor this morning, which was pretty interesting. I hardly ever talk when I'm with her but today I wouldn't shut up. She even called me hyper. I'm a little sad that Tim didn't want to go to the gym today, and I would have gone by myself but I couldn't find a ride for the life of me. So I made him promise that we would go tomorrow. And I expect to make up for missing today's session. It's kind of a good thing that we didn't go today though, since I kind of injured my foot yesterday. But even with my foot hurting, I still wanted to go. Oh well.

Anyway, right now I'm just waiting to be picked up by Jenna, and then we're going to pick up Ashley at her house and then we're headed off to the mall. It sucks that I don't have much money to spend, (I literally have about ten dollars to my name), but it's still awesome to get out of the house and spend some time with my friends. After that I'm going to Ashley's house to sleep over, which is always fun. It's been a while since I slept over there so I'm pretty happy about it. I think we'll probably watch some movies or PLL. I'm not sure but I think we might go out to dinner- and I don't have money. "/ But I'm sure we'll figure something out.

Tomorrow I have to go see this woman about my therapist and junk, and before that I'm hitting up the gym, so I'm not sure if I'll be able to write. I'm not sure what I'm doing after the appointment but I'll try to at least update even if it is a short post.

I really want to take some pictures today at the mall. That and buy a book.

I also want to work on my novel, and I'm thinking that tomorrow would be a good day for that. So I think that's what I'll do after I get home.

I'm skipping the QotD today since I'm feeling a bit lazy, but I'll definitely post one up the next time I update. I also think I'll be adding a new section to my posts, but I'm not telling yet!

Now I think it's time for me to go, so let's hope that today is awesome, not just for me but for everyone else as well. :]

Laters.

Hello all, it's been a while. But don't worry, I didn't forget about my blog!

First off, I guess I should fill you all in on what I've been up to. I started a membership at a gym, and I'm really excited about it. I've already gone for three straight days and I really want to make a habit of it. I think getting in shape will really help my self esteem and that's something I definitely need. Tim is also going with me and that keeps me even more motivated, not to mention it makes the experience more fun. I'm looking forward to going back tomorrow. :]

Next, the last week has been pretty busy. I've been seeing my peer counselors and going to my groups. That and I went out a few times- I even went to a party that was pretty kickass. I went with Ashley, and we danced and ate tacos. It was cool. Now this Saturday coming up is my cousin's Sweet 15, so I'm going there too. My aunt really wanted me to go so hopefully it'll be fun too.

Speaking of future plans, I have a bunch of stuff that I'm going to be doing. I have appointments, plans with friends, the gym, and other events all happening this week. I'm going to be really busy and I'm loving it. Hanging out with Jenna and Ashley should be really fun, and having a sleepover right after is going to be awesome. Maybe I'll even have a chance to watch some PLL? (Hint hint, Ashley xP)

The only thing I need to get sorted out is finding a new therapist and working with Scott to find a job. After that I'll be all set. Well, that and a few other things- but those are small matters.

This past week I've also been writing! And I'm really happy about that because lately I haven't had any motivation to write at all. I even finished reading a whole book, (I pulled an all nighter to do it, though). I've even been writing in my journal, which I've been neglecting. I'm glad to be doing all these things again.

Anyway, I think it's time for the QotD, which is:

*Do you prefer for a male character or female character to be the center of a story?*

Leave answers in the comment section  b e l o w  XD

OR if you feel like contacting me, about this post, my novel, or just for random feedback- please fill out the form to the right. All suggestions/comments are welcome.

Okay, that's it for now. I should be back tomorrow, and if not, it's because I couldn't think of anything to write about.

Laters.

Hello all, it's 4:32 PM right now and I'm not quite sure what to write about.

I didn't update yesterday, but then again there wasn't much to update- it was a boring day. The same goes for today. At the moment I'm just watching some TV. The show I'm watching is about UFOs or something, I'm not really paying much attention to it. I'm thinking of working on my novel until Tim gets home from work, so when I'm done here that's what I'll be doing.

I'm feeling really tired today and I'm not sure why. But I'm trying to stay up so that I won't sleep all day again. I need something to do I guess. (Which is why I'm going to work on my story when I finish here!)

Well, I'm not going to do the QotD or anything special today. I'm just updating to let everyone know I'm still here. XP

Leave comments  b e l o w  if you feel like it OR contact me by filling out the form to the right. >>>

Anyway, sorry for the short and lazy post everyone. o.O;; I guess it's an off day for me.

I almost forgot, but everyone should go check out this blog! :)

It's pretty cool and I think you should all check it out!

Alright, I'm going to write now. :'D

Laters.

Hey all! It has been three days since I last wrote, but I'm back!

First off, let me tell you some things that have been going on: Sunday I was a bit lazy and didn't update, but Monday I was extremely busy due to my trip to Connecticut and New York. So I think I'll skip describing my lazy day and go straight to yesterday.

I woke up around 7 AM and got ready to leave to Connecticut with Tim and my in-laws to go see Jerry Springer. The trip there was fun, and I kept taking random pictures of myself and Tim in the van. We got out at a rest stop and got some good food, (I can't remember the name of the place that we bought it from though,) and by the time we got to CT it was around 2:30 PM. We waited in line, and then again indoors, and we finally got into the show around 5:00 PM. So we were all pretty frustrated when we got in. But the show made up for the wait big time. It was funny as hell, and pretty cool to actually be in the audience of a show like that. I didn't expect myself to get into it, but I was standing up and yelling "Jerry, Jerry!" along with everyone else and it was awesome. Not to mention we got free stuff, thanks to Tim's really tall dad. He caught like six things. :]

After that we made the trip to White Castle. It wasn't as crazy as Harold and Kumar's trip, but it was still good nonetheless. The burgers were great, and so were the chicken rings and onion rings. I'm really happy that I can say I've gone to White Castle. After that we went to the Empire State Building and went to the 86th floor, but it was raining so the visibility was only ten miles. I thought it was funny how many people they had working there, well actually just standing there so we would know where to go. And they were dressed up in these cute little red outfits. My phone was dead by then so I couldn't take any pictures, but Tim did and they came out great. This is one that he took!

After that we got some pizza, and what they say is true. New York has they best pizza, I loved it. We walked around for a little afterwards and bought some souvenirs at the gift shop, and I fell asleep on the way home (we arrived at 4 AM!)

All in all it was a great day and I hope to go back to New York sometime in the future so I can explore a bit more. I really want to see the Statue of Liberty, and get another slice of pizza! It was yummy. :]

Now back to the present- I haven't done much today since I was sleeping until about 1 PM, and right now it's almost 5:30 PM, and I have to go to my group. So it's not going to be a very productive day. I'm thinking of just relaxing with a book after my group and waiting for Tim to get home. Then I'll spend time with him. :D

Alright, time for the...

Question of the Day:

*In a story, would you prefer for a character to develop a relationship with a romantic interest, or for the character to already have a relationship?*

Leave answers in the comment section  b e l o w  XD

OR if you feel like contacting me, about this post, my novel, or just for random feedback- please fill out the form to the right. All suggestions/comments are welcome.

That's it! I hope everyone had a great day! I'll be back tomorrow. :]

Laters.

Awake early again... even earlier than yesterday. This is getting ridiculous. (I started writing this post at 7:15 AM)

Well, yesterday was pretty good. I got out of the house, which was on my list, thanks to the help of two people. (They are awesome!) I was feeling out of it though so I probably seemed like I wasn't having fun but I was. These new pills I've been taking are fucking me all up, as most pills do when I first start taking them. It'll probably take me a week or so to adjust to them. Until then I'm going to be sluggish- just a warning. I would really like to go out today, but as usual, I have no plans. All I know is I really don't want to be home. "/

Today I'm going to have a lot of time on my hands, and honestly I feel like sleeping the day away since I already know it's going to be uneventful. I know that I need to stay awake though, otherwise I'll get all nocturnal again and that wouldn't be good for me. (It would be very bad, actually.) So the next best thing is doing something that will make time pass by quicker.

I'm not going to make a list today. I guess this will be a new rule- on weekends, I don't make a list. I'll just do what I feel like doing. And what I feel like doing is either reading all day or getting into my novel. I think getting lost in my novel would be a good choice since I won't be thinking about myself and what I'm dealing with; I'll be focused on the characters in my story. So that's what I'll be doing, I guess.

Or... I'll play a video game. Maybe Final Fantasy XIII, Kingdom Hearts: BBS, .Hack//G.U., or Red Dead Redemption. Possibly even a zombie game since I feel like destroying things. I just hate playing horror games by myself. So maybe that's not a good idea. Whatever, I'll figure it out.

Anyway, I've been thinking... about life and certain things. I really want to go back to college. Or at least get a job. I've been working on making those things happen, such as calling people, etc. What I really want is to move out of this house. I don't have a problem with my parents or anything, I just want to feel more independent. I really want to have a better social life too... I hardly go out and interact with people. Of course having social anxiety doesn't help- but neither does staying in my house all day. I want to join a fun group or something, make some plans, and actually go out. I think I really need that, so I'm going to try and make it happen. I just don't know where to start... Any suggestions?

Okay, I think it's time for the...

Question of the Day:

*Would you prefer a story to follow just one character the whole way through, or switch between different characters?*

Leave answers in the comment section  b e l o w  :]

OR if you feel like contacting me, about this post, my novel, or just for random feedback- please fill out the form to the right. All suggestions/comments are welcome.

That's it for today, I hope you all enjoy your weekend! And thank you for reading. :D

Laters.

Yesterday sucked.

I can't even start to explain how much it sucked. But I suppose I can say what happened. I had to go to the hospital for something I thought I had dealt with, but apparently not. So now I feel like I have to start all over with this stupid problem and get over it, again. I was so fucked up when I got home because of the meds they had me on, and the only thing I'm glad about is that they didn't keep me there. (Like they usually do.) And now I'm awake, early again, which is weird but I'm not surprised this time. I feel like shit, so to anyone who reads this, you'll know why I won't be very responsive today.

Anyway, my list is going to be the same one from yesterday, except with a few minor changes.

1. Stay awake!
2. Read a book.
3. Work on my novel.
4. Don't think about it.
5. Laundry.
6. Talk to my friends.
7. Keep myself busy. (I might need assistance though.)
8. Really, really, try not to sleep during the day.
9. Figure out what's going on with my Uncle.
10. Fill out *more*  information forms for characters.
11. Try not to dwell on negative thoughts. "/ (Especially today.)
12. Go out if I have the chance to. Maybe.
13. Have a productive day.

Yeah, I was lazy. No, I don't care if this wasn't very creative. "/

Anyway, I'll probably go start writing since I need a distraction. Oh, and write back to some people and explain what happened. Yup, that's about it for now. Sorry for the short post.

Question of the Day:

*Do you prefer a novel with more dialogue than description, vise-versa, or equal amounts of both?*

If you want to contact me leave a comment b e l o w OR fill out the form to the right of this post. >>>
- Or you could do both if you so choose to, as long as you respond. :] -

Alright, well I'm off to get my day started. I hope you all have a nice day!

Laters.