Craziness xD

Awake early again... even earlier than yesterday. This is getting ridiculous. (I started writing this post at 7:15 AM)

Well, yesterday was pretty good. I got out of the house, which was on my list, thanks to the help of two people. (They are awesome!) I was feeling out of it though so I probably seemed like I wasn't having fun but I was. These new pills I've been taking are fucking me all up, as most pills do when I first start taking them. It'll probably take me a week or so to adjust to them. Until then I'm going to be sluggish- just a warning. I would really like to go out today, but as usual, I have no plans. All I know is I really don't want to be home. "/

Today I'm going to have a lot of time on my hands, and honestly I feel like sleeping the day away since I already know it's going to be uneventful. I know that I need to stay awake though, otherwise I'll get all nocturnal again and that wouldn't be good for me. (It would be very bad, actually.) So the next best thing is doing something that will make time pass by quicker.

I'm not going to make a list today. I guess this will be a new rule- on weekends, I don't make a list. I'll just do what I feel like doing. And what I feel like doing is either reading all day or getting into my novel. I think getting lost in my novel would be a good choice since I won't be thinking about myself and what I'm dealing with; I'll be focused on the characters in my story. So that's what I'll be doing, I guess.

Or... I'll play a video game. Maybe Final Fantasy XIII, Kingdom Hearts: BBS, .Hack//G.U., or Red Dead Redemption. Possibly even a zombie game since I feel like destroying things. I just hate playing horror games by myself. So maybe that's not a good idea. Whatever, I'll figure it out.

Anyway, I've been thinking... about life and certain things. I really want to go back to college. Or at least get a job. I've been working on making those things happen, such as calling people, etc. What I really want is to move out of this house. I don't have a problem with my parents or anything, I just want to feel more independent. I really want to have a better social life too... I hardly go out and interact with people. Of course having social anxiety doesn't help- but neither does staying in my house all day. I want to join a fun group or something, make some plans, and actually go out. I think I really need that, so I'm going to try and make it happen. I just don't know where to start... Any suggestions?

Okay, I think it's time for the...

Question of the Day:

*Would you prefer a story to follow just one character the whole way through, or switch between different characters?*

Leave answers in the comment section  b e l o w  :]

OR if you feel like contacting me, about this post, my novel, or just for random feedback- please fill out the form to the right. All suggestions/comments are welcome.

That's it for today, I hope you all enjoy your weekend! And thank you for reading. :D

Laters.

Yesterday sucked.

I can't even start to explain how much it sucked. But I suppose I can say what happened. I had to go to the hospital for something I thought I had dealt with, but apparently not. So now I feel like I have to start all over with this stupid problem and get over it, again. I was so fucked up when I got home because of the meds they had me on, and the only thing I'm glad about is that they didn't keep me there. (Like they usually do.) And now I'm awake, early again, which is weird but I'm not surprised this time. I feel like shit, so to anyone who reads this, you'll know why I won't be very responsive today.

Anyway, my list is going to be the same one from yesterday, except with a few minor changes.

1. Stay awake!
2. Read a book.
3. Work on my novel.
4. Don't think about it.
5. Laundry.
6. Talk to my friends.
7. Keep myself busy. (I might need assistance though.)
8. Really, really, try not to sleep during the day.
9. Figure out what's going on with my Uncle.
10. Fill out *more*  information forms for characters.
11. Try not to dwell on negative thoughts. "/ (Especially today.)
12. Go out if I have the chance to. Maybe.
13. Have a productive day.

Yeah, I was lazy. No, I don't care if this wasn't very creative. "/

Anyway, I'll probably go start writing since I need a distraction. Oh, and write back to some people and explain what happened. Yup, that's about it for now. Sorry for the short post.

Question of the Day:

*Do you prefer a novel with more dialogue than description, vise-versa, or equal amounts of both?*

If you want to contact me leave a comment b e l o w OR fill out the form to the right of this post. >>>
- Or you could do both if you so choose to, as long as you respond. :] -

Alright, well I'm off to get my day started. I hope you all have a nice day!

Laters.

Hey all, it's my second day in a row updating and even I'm surprised. >.>;; It's a good thing though!

I woke up pretty early this morning, around 7:00 AM and ended up rescheduling my appointment. I'm actually kind of relieved about certain things but I won't get into details about my medical problems here.

Last night was pretty fun, I was on Formspring having two different conversations with the same person, and for some reason it was highly addictive just waiting for the next question to be asked. It's pretty cool, and I was up until 3 AM just writing back and forth. I ended up missing two things on my list from yesterday, one of which was not going to sleep during the day and the other being exercise. Otherwise I did pretty well. And I still slept through the night so taking a nap didn't hurt as much as I thought it would.

I just finished watching Fight Club, and that movie is amazing. The title of my post is a quote from that movie. But I won't get into it since I don't want to sound like a raging fangirl. You should all go see it, though.

I feel like my day is already at its end even though it's only 12 PM. I still have all day to do things, but I'm  not sure what I want to do. I'm glad I got to spend time with Tim, since he woke up at the same time as me. I think when he goes to work I might work on my novel. Or read, whichever I feel like doing at the time.

I think I'll make a list again. I'll try to make a habit out of this. Here goes:

1. Stay awake!
2. Read a book.
3. Work on my novel.
4. Call those people at Bamsi. Ugh.
5. Clean my room.
6. Talk to my friends. xD
7. Keep myself busy. (I might need assistance though.)
8. Look up information on how to get things published.
9. Make plans to go to groups.
10. Fill out information forms for characters.
11. Try not to dwell on negative thoughts. "/
12. Go out if I have the chance to.
13. Have a productive day.

Okay, all done. Hopefully I can do everything there, but if I can't it's alright. I think I'll get the cleaning and calling people out of my way first so that I can focus on my novel afterwards. If you'd like to know what my novel is about, scroll down to yesterday's post and read about it. I'm always looking for opinions and suggestions. :]

Anyway, before I skip off to do some cleaning, I have a question for all of you.

*Which is more appealing to you- a first person or third person point of view for a novel?*

Leave comments b e l o w.

Thanks for reading. :D As always, if you have any feedback, you can contact me by filling out the form to the right of this post. So don't be afraid to contact me! >>>

Laters.

Hello all, I didn't forget to write. :)

I'm awake very early today, well, at least it's early for me. It's almost 9:00 AM and usually I would still be asleep at this time. But I'm glad I'm awake because I can get more accomplished. I already made an appointment with my doctor for tomorrow, so now I don't have to worry about calling. However, I am worried about the reason I had to call. I've been having this ongoing problem and it seems to have gotten worse, to the point where even my boyfriend is concerned enough to push me to go to my doctor. (And he is the most laid back person I know.) So right now I'm pretty worked up about it, and I just hope it turns out to be nothing. Maybe I'll find out tomorrow, but I don't think it's likely. They'll probably run some blood work first. Then I'll be anticipating... But enough of that. Let's move on, shall we?

I'm thinking of writing a different novel, (don't worry, I'm still working on the other one as well), but I'm not quite sure what to write about. I just want to work on something different for a while, since I'm having a block on my other novel. I'm hoping that concentrating on something else will get my creative juices flowing again. Then when I go back to my other novel I'll have some ideas. I've been reading and re-reading all the novels that I've ever started and I'm thinking of maybe just working on one of those. I'm leaning towards a story that centers around a girl who has been "teleported" into another world, where she meets other people who have encountered the same problem, (from different worlds as well) and they must work together to figure out why they're there, and the mystery of the world beyond their world.

Does that sound like a good plot for a story? Any feedback on this would be great. It's fantasy/action/adventure with some romance. And now I feel like working on it. xD

Please contact me if you have any suggestions or feedback! It's the link to the right of this post! >>>

I think I'll make a list of what I want to get done today:
(?) = Would like to do, but it's alright if I don't

1. Call my doctor. (done)
2. Work on my novel.
3. Stay awake and not take any naps.
4. Talk to my friends and try to make some plans.
5. Exercise, even if it's just jumping jacks or running up and down the stairs.
6. Spend some time with my Aunt, if she comes to visit.
7. Get some drawing done (?)
8. Continue reading that book (?)
9. Play a video game (?)
10. Keep myself busy.

And I think that's it! It's nothing too difficult, so I should be able to do it. The hardest thing will be staying awake though, since I usually take a nap. I'm trying to break that habit, so I'm going to force myself to stay up by keeping my mind occupied.

Alright, onto the second thing on my list. I'll update tomorrow, or later. We'll see if I can do all the things on my list. :D

Laters.

I can't believe the last time I updated this was February 3, 2010. Time really does pass you by when you least expect it. So many things have happened, I'm not sure where to start.

I guess the first thing I'd like to mention is how badly I've been neglecting this website. I used to come on here often and update daily, but lately I've been either too busy, or just outright lazy. I'm hoping to change that and update here daily like I used to.

Lately there have been a lot of things on my mind, like finding a way to go to college, or finding a job. I really want to make some new friends, because my social life is lacking. It sucks being in a house all day with nothing to do. These last few days I've been calling people and putting things into motion. I really need to stop procrastinating and do what needs to be done. Then maybe I'll feel a little happier. Maybe.

Other than that, I've been having the same old problems. Family issues, money issues, social issues. I guess those are all things that would be issues for anyone, but my way of dealing with them is what makes it suck. I still have to deal with these anxiety attacks, which doesn't help, and my depression has been getting worse as well. It doesn't help that my therapist moved to Connecticut so now I have no one to vent to (that actually cares, or at least pretends to.) Not to mention everything else in my life that used to be planned has

Right now I'm just feeling a bit unwanted, and I can't stand this feeling. I really just need someone to talk to, or just someone who will keep my mind off stupid things. What I really want is a good friend, and I don't think that's asking for much...

It's funny how I'm writing about my problems and one of them stares me in the face. Out of nowhere, my family issues come into play, and now I'm a bit irritated.  These people came to visit, so now I have to hear this assholes loud voice until they decide to leave. I had no choice but to blast my music. And now Tim is going to come downstairs and I'm going to be irritated again...

I don't think I'm unreasonable. I just don't think he understands how much it upsets me to just hear them, let alone see them. If he could feel what I feel maybe he'd understand. But it's impossible to explain it to him, it just ends up being an argument with no solution. And then we both end up upset.

I'm not sure what to do now though, writing this down does seem to help.

Okay... Well, I'm going to get off of this and deal with these issues the best way I can.

Wish me luck.

I've been hanging out with my cousin since Monday and we've been having fun. Just playing videogames, talking, watching TV, and whatever else we can do. We watched The Game Plan yesterday and we're going to watch Gamer tonight. I'm looking forward to it. :)

Since I've been hanging out with her I haven't really been writing or anything else. That's not bad though, because I think I really needed this time with my cousin to just relax.

Today has been a slow day, mostly I've just been watching my cousin play Uncharted for the PS3, which is an awesome game. Right now she's taking a nap so I thought I'd come online and write on my blog. I have the TV on in the background but I'm not really paying attention to it. I'm not sure why but today I just feel down. I think it might be because of how gloomy it is outside. It's alright though, hopefully I'll feel better tomorrow. I'm so tired right now though.

I wrote a letter to my friend that moved and I'm waiting for a reply. It sucks that we have to communicate through regular mail since she doesn't have internet access, but it is pretty cool to have a penpal that I can write a regular letter to.

Well I think I'm going to get off for now, I can't really think of anything else to say. Or I guess it's that I can't concentrate right now.

So, off to do something to keep me busy. I'll try to write tomorrow.

I've been up since 5 AM, and I feel wide awake which is unusual for me. But it's good, I've been keeping myself busy.

I just watched Howl's Moving Castle, which is an awesome movie. It was so cute and it had me laughing at a lot of parts. I loved the fact that it was an animated movie too. It's been a while since I saw a good movie that was animated since Spirited Away. I'm probably late with seeing this movie, but it was really good and is now a movie that's on my favorites list. Everyone go see it!

It's still pretty early and I'm not sure what I'm doing today. I was going to clean today but I ended up doing that yesterday which I'm happy I did but at the same time I have nothing to do now. I think I'm going to work on my story for a bit until Timothy gets home. Then I have no idea what's going to happen. It's weird not having any plans.

Well, I don't know what else to write, but I'll post again later once I've actually done something. So, until then.

Thanks for reading! (Sorry for the boring post.)

I'm not sure where to begin. My last post was in December, and now it's almost the end of January and so much has happened.

My friend moved away, and that sucks because I haven't been able to keep in touch with her really. Whenever we talk it's just an exchange of a few sentences and that's it. I don't blame her, I know she just moved to a new place and needs to get settled and all that. I just miss my friend is all.

My birthday passed. It was on the 20th of January, and now I'm twenty years old. My parents took me out to dinner and a movie with my boyfriend and we had some fun. We saw Book of Eli which was pretty good. I liked the concept of the movie, the only thing I disliked was the very ending. But overall it was a good movie and I would recommend it to any of you out there.

I don't feel any different now that I'm twenty. The only thing that really made me aware of it was that I had to celebrate it. Otherwise it would have been just another day. I don't get excited anymore when it comes to my birthday, I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I'm getting older?

In January I was in the hospital. I had to be taken in because my depression and anxiety was acting up again. That and I've been having nightmares, which is completely new and terrifying. Mostly because when I wake up I'm still in a state of shock and my anxiety skyrockets. I hate it. I did get out of the hospital in better shape than when I went in, so that's good. I saw my primary care physician and he's running some tests. And I've also been going back to therapy which gets me out of the house. And my doctor wants to talk to my therapist which I thought was a bit weird, but whatever. I'm also going to see a psychiatrist so I can get the medication that I need to take and fix my doses that I'm taking now. That's not until February 19th, though. Then there's the "social worker" that I need to talk to about services that they can provide. So there's a lot going on right now.

My cousin is coming to my house to sleep over on the first of February. I'm happy that I'm going to have someone to keep me company, because I've been feeling really lonely lately. We should have fun, so I'm looking forward to it. And she's staying a week so I'm happy about that as well.

AS FOR MY WRITING, I have been working on my story since I got back home. I've completed a few more chapters while also doing plot outlines and character profiles. So I have been making progress on that. I've also been reading a lot of books and playing The Sims 3, (which for some reason I'm addicted to- I just love all the customization.)

I will be posting here everyday now that I'm back into a good routine. Even if no one reads, then I'll do it for myself. After all, I need to keep myself happy too. :)

On another note, I'm really looking for some friends, (because my lack of socialization is ridiculous.) So if you'd like to talk, about anything at all, please send me an email! I always love to meet new people.

Hail and Farewell~